Hello Kittyfish & Sandi2!

[BigJohn]

W freaks out, calls the local police who respond and advise me that I can't "abandon" my W with no car at her parent's house- they don't want her there and for some reason she can't stay at OM's house.

Something about that does not seem right at all. Sounds very fishy. How could it be abandonment just b/c she has no car? It wasn't like you were dumping her in some alley. Oh well, it's done with now....but I never heard such!

I hope you will stick to your guns, BJ, b/c she has gone too far and treated you so disrespectfully. If you give in to her now, you won't stand a chance.

Sandi,

It's nice to hear from you, how are you? I was a little concerned you might be feeling a little burned out from the forums. I am grateful as always to get your feedback.

I agree with the "abandonment" issue- it really was not "abandoning" my W as I gave her several hundred dollars in cash plus she had a credit card as well. It seemed to me she didn't need a car while there or a place to stay as OM could provide for both if he and she wanted to. The other excuses my W and MIL gave included the kids are going back to school next week, W still has her small part time jobs, etc.

Since my last post, I reiterated to my W that she had a choice to make: either drop OM and recommit to our M and our family or she needs to move out. My W's response was that she was NOT going to give up OM, she wants everything to remain the same she just doesn't want to be with me. Then my W informed me (again) that she is not going anywhere without the kids- her same argument all along for not physically separating- and that maybe I should leave. My response: Hell no! So we remain back at square one on the physical separation issue with the only possible remedy apparently being a legal one i.e. I file for D and file a motion to get her out of the house- something I am very hesitant to do, although physical separation from my W is looking more and more appealing given our sitch. (Although I cringe at the thought- especially in this economy- I'm starting to wonder if we shouldn't try to cash her 401K in so she can move out.)

My W is not pleasant to be around and remains stuck in WAW mode. Her WAW skill set seems limited for the moment to acting like a b*tch whenever it suits her and trying to make me hate her and her hate me. She is passive-aggressive and clearly wants me to initiate everything and then just react to it. She still has made no effort to understand any of the negative fallout from a D (No, I'm not surprised) and continues to downplay the significance of the OM relative to her desire to D me at some point in the future- although he was "more wonderful than she expected" when they met again in person. She has no real plans that I am aware of beyond at some point D-ing me to live life as single parent with the kids- even though "things with OM will probably never work out". Interestingly, although she claims that things will never work out between us, she has repeatedly stated that I did "real damage" to my cause and to our MR by coming out to my in-laws in Utah. I asked her what exactly that meant and she didn't answer.

Also interesting was a comment she made last night about how OM told her he was surprised I didn't come visit him while there and beat his a$$- or at least call him on the phone. I told my W I was there in Utah for my kids as a father, not as a jealous H, and therefore my purpose there was not for revenge. My W said it was good I didn't confront OM because she wouldn't want to see me hurt- OM is my size only a "real tough guy" who has been in "a lot of fights" Yeah, that sounds really smart, go get in a fight with OM and risk an arrest for assault and maybe jeopardize shared custody of my kids. Are we in high school now? Give me a break. BTW, she had previously made comments about how I should have been pouring on the love, respect and all that other good stuff to her in the months leading up to the trip and her dates with OM as "that might have made a difference" since I had "the home court advantage". Give me a break! It took all of my strength just to get where I'm at now. I don't have the energy or desire to chase down cheeseless tunnels with her.

So it would seem that "tough love" tactics with my W are the only things that may work to my advantage at this point. Does anyone care to share any thoughts or ideas regarding getting my W to get out of the house to physically separate from me? A physical separation is my decision of course, but am I missing something at this point i.e. trying instead to enforce some strong boundaries beforehand? I agree with you Sandi, I can't give in to her now.