Dude, EVERYTHING Rob has said to you is right on. Listen to Rob.
What's more...you're wife is very immature and ALL of this is to get back at you for cheating.
You want her back? You want her to change? You want her to grow up?
Then, you need to change. You need to grow up.
Never talk about the relationship. The ONLY time I would agree with someone at your point to talk about it is if she brought it up and was in a great mood and you were getting along....but if that happened ABORT mission at the first sign of anger or pissy. But I don't think you are there yet, so avoid relationship talk completely.
Next, Get A Life. Now. You listed some things earlier....do them. NOW.
When your wife was the wedding getting plastered, you should have left. I promise, had you, she would not have been such an ass. She did it for you.
Her coming to your work for the phone, immature as hell. But even more importantly, the fact she wants to get into your kitchen and burn everything is actually a promising sign....when she completely ignores you and is completely neutral toward you when she does have to deal with you, that means you are closer to done.
Forget the OM(s). They will be short lived and not important. And really sounds like they won't be able to take her crap for long anyways. Sorry, but seriously, they won't. I understand that you love her and that's why you can fight for this and put up with her crap, these guys don't feel the same way and won't.
What kind of Asian are you? Just curious.
Stop fighting with her. At all costs, stop it. But keep asking her on dates. I wouldn't advise that to everyone, but you might want to keep that line of communication up. And if you don't want to do that....ask her to pick a night for family night. Maybe Mondays or Tuesdays....shouldn't screw up her partying time. Tell her you think the kids would love it and it would make for some normal in their lives and ALL SMALL CHILDREN NEED NORMAL...THEY NEED SCHEDULE. That's how they thrive. Mine is three. It's a big deal to him.
You can do this. But you need to stop much of what you are doing now....and really, why did you drop them off with a hung over grumpy mother? Kids want crap all the time...doesn't mean you give it to them, do you? They would have been fine a few more hours without her. And let's be honest...who did you think you were going to find over there? I'm glad it was no one. I should have helped put your mind at ease. I hope it did.
