Divorce not busted 2

[BigJohn]

I know I tell all of you this several times, but it is my way of trying to give you hope...I look back at how I was from where I am today and it so embarrassing! I would about die if others found out about it. I don't know who that woman was, but she was not the Sandi I had always been or that I am now. So, I'm trying to tell you that there is hope and that your W does not have to stay like this, but most of it is her personal decision. That's not to say your actions won't influence her decisions. It took me a long time.

Sandi,

This is an interesting point- about Orich's W's decision to stay in WAW mode. I've felt like I've picked up on that with my W too. Specifically when my W and I have had calm but substantive R talks in the past- when we get past the layers of fantasy/make believe- that is when my W starts talking about being fearful about giving her heart back to me, how she knows it will never work, I won't change, etc. It's almost like the WAW mentality is not just about living and experiencing her fantasy of choice but it is also like a defense and empowerment mechanism of sorts. It's like my W developing and seeing some sort of "super b*tch" persona as a means of effectively dealing with me and being afraid to give it up for fear of being hurt again.

I may be completely off base here, just my two cents for Orich and my other fellow LBHs wondering if there isn't anything left of the W they knew still residing inside their WAW- even if it's only a glimpse.