I cant make any more changes, I am frozen. I literally feel ice cold when he is near me. He actually hugged me over the weekend and it felt so odd, like a stranger was hugging me. I cannot put myself out there anymore, the rejection and excuses now cut like knives. It puts me in a very dark place that takes a long time to get out of. I am afraid to have it happen again what if I cant get out? Why were they all worth the effort but I am not?
Sometimes I think he just let too much time go by and now doesnt know how to fix it or approach me. I have not given him any reason to not approach me, at least not yet. I just cant put myself out there again. I have tried but just cant anymore. How many times does someone have to show you they dont want you to start believing it. I believe it now.
I know I have to keep doing this for my son. I wont be selfish and give him that excuse to walk away from a 2 year old and pregnant wife. I know counseling will help him but dont want to confuse the situation any more than it already is by filing for divorce. I want a solution that will work for me so I get some peace. Can I just be roommates? sure but that feels so fake. I would only be doing it to get the bills paid off so I could afford to live on my own. That seems so cold.
