My XH decided to travel several hours away last weekend to visit his son (my stepson) and his old friends. I saw this as a positive move, him doing something alone for himself and giving himself time to think. However, it suddenly hit me Fri evening that he probably took her with him. Seemed ridiculous but possible, and it turned out to be true. Ugh.
Anyway, for the past several months I have been praying nonstop for God's will in my life. I have asked not to be reconciled with my XH but for God to show me the path for my life clearly and give me the patience to follow His plan. I feel that it is His will that my family be together and every time I try to give up I am brought back to this.
This weekend, it suddenly occurred to me that I have not ever prayed for my XH to be shown his path. After all, he is the one who claims to be confused and lost. So I prayed like crazy for God to make his will known, to show XH his path, to give him clear signs as to what he should do.
Lo and behold, XH came back after his weekend away and called to talk with me. (I had still not called him.) I asked how his time was and he said not too good. He said, basically, that he felt awkward and unsettled the whole time and he wanted to have his family whole but was scared and still confused and did not want to go back to what we had. Wow! Do we doubt that prayer works?
Yesterday (the next day) I did not call again. He came to pick up the kids and asked if we could talk. Again, he talked and I listened as he told me how confused he was about everything in his life. On one hand he will tell me how much fun he has with her and how everything is easy, but they fight because she feels that he is not over me. On the other hand he tells me that he wants to have our family back but is worried about all the fights and tension we used to have.
I find myself tied in knots again. He said that he doesn't know why he is talking to me and he doesn't want her to know we are talking. He says he doesn't want me to think that he is coming back.
Today I called to talk to the kids and he asked to talk to me. I asked how he was doing. The kids had mentioned that they went by the OW's work. (Made me sick but I did not mention it to him.) He said he was ok and that they had just stopped by her work to fax something. I pointed out that it was his business and I had not asked. (Why does he justify it to me?) He started to say something about getting some of his own furniture and dropped it, saying he would talk to me later.
How do I avoid R talks if he is bringing it up SO MUCH? I try to stay upbeat. I try not to bring things up and just respond if he does. Do I need to actually change the subject and RESIST the R talk? I have been letting him take the lead.
