In Limbo

[Jimbo]

This is good stuff Mach. Real Good Stuff. I did get something from it. It is a constant battle inside to not say hey I get what you were trying to say all along. I am showing it everyday by my actions. I am living it. Then something petty gets brought up like dry cleaning. And you come to find out it has a much deeper meaning over the years. And you just have an epiphany and want to say wow, I do see what you were saying. It just the waiting that is hard because it takes so long when you are trying to live it everyday vs. saying "Hey I get it now" And that there are no guarantees that she will ever want you again...


Thanks for not blasting me on this one.....

Hi D,

At the point you are at in your journey in all of this, I can't begin to tell you how hard it is to fight off the feelings of "If we could only communicate better, then we could FIX this!".

But fight those feelings off, you must. There is nothing you can say or do to "fix" this.

My good and wise friend Mach loves to point out that you can't talk yourself out of a situation that you acted yourself into. And this is SO true. When you scour the resources and threads on this board and in the archives, you will run across many, many stories of MLC spouses that, in the beginning, pointed out shortcomings in their spouses. Then the spouses do anything and everything to fix the shortcomings....and guess what?

The MLC spouse just finds something else to not like!

I'm not saying don't work on your shortcomings...far from it. What I am saying is don't just work on improving yourself in those areas to "get her back".

Do it for you.

It's an important subtlety to grasp. When you work on you to "get her back", you're just faking it long enough to get her to return.

When you work on you for you, you are creating real change. Change that makes you a better person and becomes a real, permanent part of you.

And THAT kind of change WILL show through. No letters, mentions, or references of any kind needed to garner attention to the fact that a change has been made.

Because it is genuine.