After dinner I started the conversation with "You made some very strong and inflammatory accusations this weekend."
Mistake. More effiminate. Males are typically known for NOT bringing up relationship talks. Practice self control. Remember.. Male is more "action".... Female is normally assciated with "talking things out"..
Quote:
The check was made out to both of us so I left the check, the deposit slip and the envelope on the table where I could explain it all to her later. She found it and threw a small fit - would not or could not say what she wanted instead, but was definitely upset that I was taking this action.
Much better. That is more like it. Reading between the lines though it sounds like you must have pushed her on what she wanted because you said she wouldn't say.(again this is more female type communication) Male is more "telling HER what YOU have decided. Work on this. You need to learn to allow her to bring out what you think. If she doesn't, then keep doing and communicate with action, logic, and reason. Follow through on what you say.
Quote:
After this, she started in on me again "It's not him, it's you. You've changed. Nobody changes this much! It's weird! It's creepy". I asked if she wanted to know anything about any of the changes and she replied "No, it's just weird - you are reading all these self help books, and looking inside and changing, and maybe it works for you, but it's not working for me"
Correct answer to her is.. "You are right, I have changed. I have now decided (decisive, male) I agree with you in that this isn't working for me either. ( decisive, male and also takes off pressure from her because you now agree that it isn't working.) Agree with her view and that it is now your view too. This works far better than validation)
Quote:
So, in a nutshell, the "effeminate" things she thinks are creepy are: - being introspective - being happier (no longer grumpy and critical) - being more focused on the family and the kids - trying new things - reading R and self-help books.
I don't agree. The reason is because she doesn't respect you because you won't take a stand and tell her that you are not putting up with her nonsense amymore and you don't have enough backbone to take charge here and tell her you have had enough. ACTION. (male) That is what is secretly behind her feelings of of thinking of you as effeminate. Reading the books is a by-product of this. Stop reading the books or don't let her know you are reading them. More action, less reading.
Quote:
I agreed with her, and said "You seem to have made your decision, and there is no point in just waiting around any more."
She exclaimed "I haven't made a decision!!"
Fine tune this.. More male to state it this way.. (instead of "you seem to have made a decision" (more female)
"I have made a decision and I have decided I am NOT waiting around anymore for you to make one. (male, decisive, action, logical)
The rest of your communication with her is almost all you pursuing and chasing and whining. Go back and read again all the pursuing behavior after the above quotes. It all amounts to nothing but pressure and her being defensive. The right mindset is that "you have decided... You will be able to bring up all of this stuff later. WHEN SHE is asking you what she can do to reconcile. If not, then you proceed on with what you have "decided" (decisive, logical, male)
Don't get wishy washy here. Stay strong. Stay tough. You HAVE to let her come to you. You can't do that while you are chasing her and constantly talking about how hse has hurt you etc. etc. etc. You are a big boy (mature male) and you WILL handle whatever life throws at you. And you WILL. (action)
