WAW - Very confused and devastated - pt 11

[confusedinpa]

Hey, just wanted to let you know something pretty key here....you aren't dead....I know it feels like dying, or what you might imagine it feels like, but you aren't dead, you aren't even dying.

Stronger,

I don't think/feel like I'm dying, but looking back over the last few post I can see how some of that emotion can be bubbling around. I really do feel like I am in mourning though. Over the death of my marriage and the death of the woman I married (in a figurative sense guys - don't want people to get concerned!). So I am grieving.

I had struggled over the last 7 months with the pain/guilt of hurting the woman I loved. It had taken me a LONG time to forgive myself but I had done that.

This pain seems so much deeper. I had told my therapist that before, I would feel these strong negative emotions, but they would subside quickly (minutes to seconds). Now they linger for a while. Not hours, but for a while. I feel that it runs longer and deeper. My therapist said it's because this is a much deeper hurt.

The job, ironically, is identical to what I am doing now, but would be with that company instead of the one that I've just started.