Over the Shock and GALing 6

[Thinker]

When Mrs. Thinker finally realizes you're not playing and you're not willing to put up with her behavior any longer (and she will), what do you expect her and you to do to make the M better?

yep.

Very Good Question. I need to work through that answer, and appreciate any of your efforts to keep me honest with that.

The initial answer to the question is the same as the answer to "Why am I doing this?" as stated by Greek:

Stay clear with her about why this is happening. Careful how you put it. You wouldn't want to say "well YOU started this, Mrs. T" or anything like that. Clearly remind her about the deal breakers (OM FB), clear signals she is sending (wedding ring, disrespectful behavior on her part, things she has declared in terms of wanting out) and that you have decided not to live in THAT marriage.

What do I want:

I want her to respect the marriage:
- No OM(s) - FB or otherwise
- Wear the ring
- Accept that being married requires commitment and work

I want her to close her exits
- Stop saying "I can never be happy here" "I see no hope in the M" "I don't want to do anything to give you hope re the marriage"
- Stop saying "I can get a divorce any time I want to" or similar whenever confronted with her own actions
- Stop saying "It is just fundamental differences - nothing can ever be improved or fixed"


I want her to admit that she also has issues
- Take the initiative to begin reading some of the R books
- Agree to return to MC (with a new, better C), and participate in those sessions.
- Admit that she carries some responsibility for the state of our M and has to fix those issues she brings.