WAW - Very confused and devastated - pt 11

[confusedinpa]

I personally don't think it's any different than the "acts of kindness" she would show since she dropped the bomb. She would help with laundry, cleaning, picking out new shirts/clothes, picking things up from the store, etc. I had thought she was doing it because she cared, but now "see" it was just guilt that she has now done to her family what her father did to her's. And she has said she had never forgiven him for that.

That will be her scarlet letter to bear.

What gets me angry is how she had tortured me, knowing how I felt and how much I wanted to work it out. Whipping me with her guilt speeches while dangling hope with these supposed "acts of kindness". I take accountability from the respect that I allowed her (sort of a solder getting taken prisoner of war). But even then there are rules of humanity to protect nations at war.

There were none here. This is what I have the most angst of. She knows how much this has hurt me and is most likely afraid of how angry I may become and what I would/could do. I have never physically/emotionally harmed her in the years we've been together. I will continue that commitment as I will offer that level of respect as the mother of my boys.

I believe the emotional harm that she will have to deal with will come from within her. I know that I will not have to do anything other than live my life well and continue to be the best man, person, father that I have grown to be during this horrific ordeal.

I wish I was as strong as those words sound. I am really struggling but those will be words that I will aspire to.

I know I will succeed. Failure is not an option.

Thank you all for your continued support