W can't break EA - not sure how to handle it

[Dia]

Question: How do I respect myself and allow the A to continue?

Answer:

1) I am not in a position to terminate the A. Only H is. "Allowing" the A to continue is not the proper verb if we are talking about me.

2) I will not proceed to full reconciliation if the A continues. Exactly when and how that line is drawn is up to me. While we are still in limbo and both figuring out whether we are going to work on things or proceed to D, I am not going to put pressure on the A. It's fine for people to disagree. Afterall, not every sitch is the same and what works for one person may not work for another. If we get to the point where we are both officially working on the M, then the OW needs to go, end of story. But afterall, the whole point of DBing is that only one person can do it - and for the moment, that person is me.

3) Even though I am not actively or overtly affair-busting, my simple presence in the house, together with H and our son is putting a helluva lot of pressure on the R with OW without my having to do anything overt at all. I have laid my boundaries that he is not to mention her around me and he respects those. He is not emailing her, calling her or texting her in my presence either, so the chilling effect is sure to be felt on her end.

For now, this is sufficient.