Look d, There is absolutely NO way you are gonna do anything to turn this around right now.
No words, no letters, no nothing.
By doing nothing, you will feel like it is the opposite of what you need to do. Keep that in mind my friend, cause that is exactly what you need to do.
But it is also by doing nothing that will keep you in this....
Doing nothing doesn't mean keeping idle either...
Doing nothing means that you take that time and really work on you for now...
So you realized a fault that you have that led to the demise of your relationship....
Imagine is you were quiet a while longer and really did the work on yourself...How would that help your next relationship ?
And it doesn't mean that your next relationship can't be with your wife either...
You are at around 3 months ?
Your next thing will be( and you may be there already ) is that you will have this anger over the realization that this will not end quickly......
Look, I'm not gonna blast you for this, there isn't a person here that around the 3 month mark hasn't tried this.
I'll admit I did, and it did nothing but anger her more...
Don't tell her about any of your changes either....She doesn't want to hear this from you D.....
I'm going to re-post some things that I put together for myself right around the time that you are in right now....
Some things to ponder and that really helped me get through some early days....I'm not sure where I found them to give proper credit to the authors, but here goes........
I hope you get something from this....
Now there are two kinds of divorce that happen, sort of at the same time. One is the legal divorce, and the other one is the emotional divorce.
We get the two confused.
We think we're going to stop the emotional divorce by stopping the legal divorce. The more you try to stop the legal side of divorce, the more rebellious he or she feels.
The more you use pressure, the less they see your inner beauty and your charm.
Everybody thinks, professionals and non-professionals alike, they say to have a happy marriage or a happy relationship, you have to work at it.
But I say that it's the working that makes it not work.
When you criticize, you're working at improving your mate.
When you complain to your lover, you're working at improving them.
When you argue, you're working at improving them.
When you try to reason with them.
When you tell them how much you love them.
Both when you're reasoning and when you're telling them how much you love them, you are trying to change them. You are working at changing them. And it's that working at changing them, that is the only problem.
Proof? You want proof?
Stop all of that, and watch the relationship get better.
Stop all of that working. Allow and accept, one hundred percent, whatever your mate thinks, feels, or does is perfectly okay.
It's perfectly okay.
And watch them improve themselves.
Their negative feelings towards you will weaken rapidly, because their negative feeling needs something in you to fight with. And when you sincerely see what's on their side, when you sincerely agree with them, and when you lovingly and sincerely go one hundred percent totally, instantly, and happily your mate's way, when you do that there's nothing for their negative feeling to build on.
You have put the white flag up.
You've thrown your gun down.
That forces them to do the same thing. They cannot shoot you when you have no gun. When you're not defending yourself, THEY want to defend you.
It's not normal to not defend yourself, but it is healthy.
Agree with them.
Do not disagree at all.
It's not to your advantage. ....Her negative or his negative attitudes towards you are being supported by you communicating what you want.
Every time you say to them, "But, I love you," you are saying, "but I want something different than what you want. You want to pull away, but I want you to come closer. I don't really care what you want. It's what I want that's important."
Lots of times men tell their wives, "I've changed. I've changed. Let's get back together. I've changed."
I tell the husbands that "Every time you say, 'I've changed,' you're communicating to her that you have not changed."
"Really? Why is that? How is that? I don't understand that."
"Of course, you don't understand. But what's your motivation? Why are you telling him or her how you've changed? What's your purpose? Isn't it to get your way?"
"Yeah, I want her back."
"That's your way. It's not her way, right now. She said she may consider it later, maybe, but not right now. And every time you say, 'I've changed,' you're saying, 'Give me my way! Give me my way! Give me my way! What I want is more important than what you want. I don't give a hoot what you want."
And subconsciously, she says, "He hasn't changed. He's still the neurotic, selfish, pressuring guy he always was. There's no way I'm going to go back to him, or feel positive to him as long as he is this way."
