Don't forget that any actions/reactions on his part function largely based on what is going on inside his celebrity-addled mind. How he reacts will largely depend on what he is emotionally projecting onto your response at any given moment. You don't have as much control as you think you have. That is scary, but also freeing. There is no magic answer ... no magic answer to hook him back, *and* no magic answer to make him an amicable co-parent/financial partner. So give yourself a break and try not to angst so much about how to respond to one-line queries.
Any thoughts about the work thing? If your stbx offered to hook you up, would you accept? Feels a tad whorie to me but then so does being nicer to him so he'll give me money.
You know, Alex my brother, Alive my sister. If the UPS deliverer was delivering a delivery to me, and I sneezed, and deliverer said, "Got a cold?" I'd say, "Yesh, but it isn't too bad, thanks for asking."
Thanks is what those of us -- i.e., we Band of DB'ers -- with manners and decency and the milk of human kindness running through our veins do.
Smiley makes a good point, though. If, on receiving any communication, you recast it as though coming from an acquaintance or relative stranger ... how would you respond? That might take it out of the endless, fruitless, cheeseless "But what does he/she REALLY mean and/or what is he/she trying to sneakily accomplish????" pit of big waste o'mind.
"Show me a completely smooth operation and I'll show you someone who's covering mistakes. Real boats rock." -- Frank Herbert
Any thoughts about the work thing? If your stbx offered to hook you up, would you accept? Feels a tad whorie to me but then so does being nicer to him so he'll give me money.
I handle referrals this way. Please give me their contact info and let them know I willing be calling them. That way the responsiblity is on you to follow thru.
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
Yep Coach. Call me paranoid but him hooking me up with a female he describes as one of his closest friends (despite the fact that she has to be part of his new crew) leads me to believe this is just more enmeshment...a potential trap.
I'll let her initiate contact and see how it goes since that is what I told him I would do.
He had asked me for my resume to try to help me find a job and I refused; I just don't want that level of involvement but it is hard to justify when I am jobless.
BUT, I know him and I know that anything that involves him has a potential, a likelihood to lead to future drama. So for now, I'm gonna keep it as clean as possible.
Smiley makes a good point, though. If, on receiving any communication, you recast it as though coming from an acquaintance or relative stranger ... how would you respond? That might take it out of the endless, fruitless, cheeseless "But what does he/she REALLY mean and/or what is he/she trying to sneakily accomplish????" pit of big waste o'mind.
Well, what I like is that a specific approach.."Treat him as a relative stranger" gives me something I can adhere to easily.
A/K come on! Who gives a crap how it "seems" to him?
really. Just ignore it, or let him feel heroic for asking OR get mad at you for not answering him or whatever....but again, you are letting HIS REACTiON to you, or your fear of it, dictate what YOU DO. AT MOST, I'd give a one word answer only b/c he can know that you are well enough to care for the kids -which I'm sure is HIS biggest concern, and not looking good to himself--and you don't need him to come and rescue you to help with the kids (b/c that is SO LIKELY....)?
(( )) j-
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
I just find that this is much ado about nothing...a bit. I mean, I get it. But you have to know that you are allowing yourself to be sucked in with his idiotic drama (from MIDDLE SCHOOL) over a TEXT message!
Just do what you must if this bugs you so much. But keep it short please......(and can't find you on fb by the way, what group?)
and for the record, I thought Gucci's last post was spot on. j-
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
