She said "You just don't understand, the R is not working for me. The M can't be salvaged. etc etc"
I agreed with her, and said "You seem to have made your decision, and there is no point in just waiting around any more."
The Waiting Place. Only one way out of Limboland.
Follow up on everything you said you were going to do. Now you are playing offense instead of defense. Don't even bring up the word effeminate again it even sounds effeminate. When she brings up change talk instead about how you are becoming stronger, wiser, and a better man. Then go about your business.
Quote:
"No, it's just weird - you are reading all these self help books, and looking inside and changing, and maybe it works for you, but it's not working for me"
Not doing it for her, make sure she sees that.
Don't use the word "dissolution" when talking about your marriage, it's too business like and doesn't do the sitch justice.
Watch what happens when you start moving out of limboland. Keep leading.
Cheers Coach
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
Just had a short phone telco with W - she called to coordinate schedules for the day.
I told her I was going to be out of the house for the afternoon, and when she asked where I told her that I was going to talk to a L as I said last night.
Her first response was "You are Not! You are not spending $ on a L right now"
When I said I wasn't spending $ since this was a first consult, but I WAS going to talk to the L, she became very upset. I was calm about the whole thing, but according to her I am now: - angry and bitter - going for the throat - getting all ugly about things, just like she knew I would
Hmmm, and I thought I was pretty calm and relaxed. I don't feel angry and bitter
Me 42, W 39, S8, S6, S2 M 11y, A & ILYBNILWY 11/08 Walking away from a bad situation.
Remember, she does not want to be "Married" to me, with all that that means, but she does NOT want to proceed.
She wants to be uncommitted, to be free from responsibility to work on herself, to be free to think about and explore possibilities for the future, but at the same time to have me quietly provide support and $ in the background.
Me 42, W 39, S8, S6, S2 M 11y, A & ILYBNILWY 11/08 Walking away from a bad situation.
She wants to be uncommitted, to be free from responsibility to work on herself, to be free to think about and explore possibilities for the future, but at the same time to have me quietly provide support and $ in the background.
Only a effeminate man would go for that!
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
You have her attention, Thinker. Don't let up. Follow through with what you've said you will do until she cries UNCLE...or not. You'll hate it, it's not what you want, it hurts - but it is necessary at this point. Wake up call for Mrs. T.
Limbo is not a life.
Greek
Me45 H46 T25 M22 S21 & 19 D13 Separated and filed 8/08 Moved home 11/08
