In Limbo

[d1adsl5a]

Would be curious on your honest opinion of what I sent to the W this morning. I know that this is goes against some of the rules of DB'ing. I guess some things just needed to be said.

Last night we were talking and joking a bit. I opened my big mouth and said that I took her dry cleaning in with mine in a joking manner. She flew into a rage when I said that. In the past, sometimes I wouldn’t take her dry cleaning in all the time. It kind of became a joke(or so I thought) between us over the years. It would sometimes be $40 her things to be cleaned. Obviously something petty between us, but made me realize last night our communication issues are deeper than I thought.

I would not really tell her what I thought on things, because I was always trying to avoid her getting angry.

The letter reads:

"Well I woke up at 3am last night and couldn’t go back to sleep for some time. It wasn’t Justy’s little snoring sounds, it was the thought in my head over and over again about the dry cleaning. It was the thought of if I can’t be honest with myself, how can I be honest with you. I truly was embarrassed that I did that and it forced me to look in the mirror again at myself. The dry cleaning is probably not the only time I did something like this to you. I think it is a good example of the things you have been thinking about. It forces me to put myself in your shoes to understand how that can make a person feel. You are my partner, my friend and why do something like this to a friend.

The truth is, the solution was always simple: Communication. The obvious reason I wouldn’t take your dry cleaning sometimes was the cost. I would not take them occasionally because when the bills got too high sometimes, I would go into cost saving mode. The thing that I should have done was to just simply say hey, are you going to be wearing this in the next week, can we hold off this week and bring it the next week instead. And explain to you why I was thinking that we needed to save money. We could have come up with some solutions together. In my mind, I was trying to avoid an argument by taking the other route. I used humor or sarcasm to get my point across vs. talking to you.

Really talking to you.

I couldn’t give you the respect you deserved regarding the finances. I am sure that is not the only time I didn’t think through a situation I don’t know if this brings you closer or pushes you farther away. But I felt if I didn’t get this out, it would not be respecting you. I guess this is the other part of the control piece that I have come to learn about myself. As I said last night, I hope you come to know the person I am."

So, I guess I do have a side of me that isn't that nice and it does come out once in a while....

Just don't know if I came across in a way where she'll accept what I am saying in a good way vs. me just throwing up an excuse.