Just checking in on you to see how things are going?
Hope it is quiet in your stitch right now.
Thinking of you.
Me-31 Him-28 D1-9 D2-6 Married 5-06 Seperated 12-07 He filed 1-08 Reconciled 4-08 D dropped 7-08 Bomb dropped about H's activities outside the marriage 4-21-09 Filed for D 4-28-09 Trying to make a go of it 6-09
It was a rather peaceful weekend, and it was nice to get out of town for a little bit.
I have been able to maintain my “no sex” boundary for a week now, and that’s saying a lot for me. I almost gave in on Sunday when he wanted attention, but this time when he saw I wasn’t really into it, he backed off. He asked what was up, and I told him I was upset about our last couple conversations. He didn’t say anything in reply, but I think it upset him because he seemed to have a restless night after that. Last night, he came to bed with a pair of boxers on, and this was very unusual in that he has slept in the buff for years. I’m not sure how to take that- it could be he’s respecting my need for a little space right now and realizing that our issues really are serious, or it’s a big F- You and guilt-generator. I don’t know how to ask or if I even should, I guess I’ll just let him do his thing.
I have my IC appt. tonight and the MC on Thurs. It should be quite an interesting week; I can’t wait to hear what he has to say at the session. I'll let you know how it goes.
How did you IC appointment go? How is 'holding back sex' going? Is your H acting out about it yet?
Just wanted to stop by and let you know that I was thinking about you. I hope all is quiet right now b ut I am worried that it is the calm before the storm for you. Take care.
Me-31 Him-28 D1-9 D2-6 Married 5-06 Seperated 12-07 He filed 1-08 Reconciled 4-08 D dropped 7-08 Bomb dropped about H's activities outside the marriage 4-21-09 Filed for D 4-28-09 Trying to make a go of it 6-09
The MC session for tonight has been rescheduled to Monday. I'm bummed about it but not much I can do- H's gout flared up yesterday while we were moving S18 into his college dorm and he can hardly walk.
H seems to be getting used to the idea of no sex for a while. He's still wearing the shorts to bed and stopped asking for it. I'm glad not to have that pressure but I feel a little guilty about it. I don't like making anyone unhappy, but I need the break. I need to see what our relationship looks like without the sex, as in do we have a connection without it? I don't think so. H is still checking the swingers boards- he just can't let it go, I guess. And I don't think I even care, I'm so detached from him. This isn't looking good.
Besides...you can't make anyone else happy. Only that person can make himself happy. When we rely on someone outside of ourselves for that, we are always disappointed and trying to control their behavior so it's to our liking. Not healthy.
Sorry that your MC session is postponed. You may not think your H is stressed, but I find it interesting that H's gout flared up just now. The body has a way of telling the heart/mind's secrets.
He's never seen this Bunny, or if he has, it's been a long time. I'll bet it scares the snot out of him.
SD
Me: 40 H: 43 H had EA from 2/06-9/06 Bomb 5/06 Piecing since 9/2006 3/2008: Boundary setting 7/2009: Boundary crossing~dropped my own bomb. 8/2010: Marriage finally on track!
Just wanted to check in on you. How is things going? What has been happening with you and with your H?
Me-31 Him-28 D1-9 D2-6 Married 5-06 Seperated 12-07 He filed 1-08 Reconciled 4-08 D dropped 7-08 Bomb dropped about H's activities outside the marriage 4-21-09 Filed for D 4-28-09 Trying to make a go of it 6-09
I’m trying not to scream. H wants to reschedule tonight’s MC appt until at least mid-next week, and I’m really upset at him. He says he doesn’t feel great because his sinuses are acting up and he wants to be able to think clearly- plus he wants us to talk more before then. I'm not sure what the point of that is. I keep thinking that if I wasn’t feeling well, I would still go no matter how bad I felt. This is important! Our marriage is important! I already rescheduled last week on account of his foot, and now this…
H was mad that I was mad about it last night. He mentioned these things earlier in the day (feeling like f*ck and wanting to talk more first) when I reminded him about the appointment. I didn’t say anything one way or the other in response to him at that time. He was doing his “poor me, maybe we should reschedule” routine and I decided not to bite and say OK. I said nothing. I decided to follow up later in the day, so I checked with him last night to see if that was how he was feeling and he definitely wanted out of tonight’s appt. I had hoped that after being out and about with S18 that day, maybe he would shake it off and start feeling better. I walked away after he said he wanted to cancel because I was really upset, and that made him mad. "Why are you surprised and mad? I already told you that!" I told him I would reschedule it, but that doesn’t mean I have to be happy about it.
It's all about him, as usual. He's in charge. And newsflash for H- I'm allowed to be mad if I want!!
I’m just so frustrated with the situation. I’m stuck in limbo, I felt so much better when I was taking some action earlier this month. I wanted to go to one or two sessions, see what happens and then decide to move or stick around. I wanted the situation to move forward, one way or another, not just maintain the status quo for a few more weeks.
Besides- just what does he feel like he needs to be so "clear headed" and able to think. If he can think at work, I would guess he would be able to think at the appt. It sounds like he feels the need to be able to out-argue me and the counselor. He hates not being in control of a situation, and he definitely wouldn’t be at the MC.
So now we have an appt for 2 weeks from today, and he’ll be lucky if I’m still willing to go at that point. He wants us to talk more, and depending on that goes, I may not be around. And ’m not even sure what the point is in talking more, we already said what we needed to, at least I did.
I've been maintaining a no-sex boundary for almost 2 weeks now, and I don't even miss being with him. That shows how much I was feeling obligated towards him. At least the amount of bed shaking coming from his side has been reduced.
He still has his single male profile that he checks. I hate to say this, but I was tempted to create a single female profile, contact him, and see just how anxious he is to respond. Not that I would set up a date or anything, I just want to see how he responds- "sorry, can't right now" or "Oh, Yeah!!!" Anybody have an opinion on that? I couldn't use it against him, but I think it might give me an idea of where he actually stands, as ooposed to the BS he may dish out. The danger is to my emotions- finding out how desperate he is for other females, but I really want to know.
