What I want is to have stability and sanity for my kids and myself...hooking him in may or may not contribute to that goal.... want to get out of the mindset of trying to save the M and into the mindset of negotiating effectively and getting what I deserve in our D. If by some miracle a R happened, good, I guess...my communication should lead to what is going to benefit me and my kids.
Alive, my friend. Having survived another grueling day, I'm waiting for a grueling night and thought I'd check in with you. (And by "grueling" I mean "grueling," not "grueling ;-)".
I commend you on your mindset. You've had what I had in my Big Midwestern City moment. And you're absolutely sound in your intuition that communication is now key -- not merely communication, per se, but effective communication, the nature and extent of which can keep you on, or knock you off, Your Path.
The tone. The tenor. The tempo.
(Hey, that could be a chapter in SP's Great American Divorce Book -- "Tone, Tenor, Tempo: Talking To WAS")
Remember the thought balloons. You're Walking Your Path and Rolling Your Way. And one element of that is Class, with a Capital "C." You've got it; Monsoor Le Shmedlap hasn't.
So you reply. Because that's what someone with Class does.
And you say, "Tough head cold but it won't be fatal; thanks for asking." The tone is itself tough -- notice that there's no pronoun "I".
The tenor is cooperative -- you texted me, I texted you, I don't pretend that you don't exist (thought balloon, you heartless scum-sucking pig), and I acknowledge and validate your inquiry into my personal well-being (thought balloon, though I suspect it's totally self-serving).
And the tempo is moderated -- not an obviously snippy "fine" but not a blabby "Oh, gosh, I got this cold, and my nose is so runny, and and and golly what else can I say I'm so desperate to talk with you O Swell One...."
Nuttin' pers'nal -- jus' bidness.
And remember, not every communication has to be "about" DB'ing or D'ing. So not every communication has to be primped, puffed, and perfumed to meet some rather arbitrary test of the DB Kung-fu. In fact, I would argue that Working Your Mojo means doing things that don't contribute to DB'ing, but just get the job done.
