...There ARE no changes. She's making the same arguments, manifesting the same behaviors, making the same demands. So I'm not "irked" that she wants to work on the M and I'm not sure I do -- I'm irked that she doesn't want me to work ON MY LIFE just because SHE isn't getting ahead in her life.
I was never not-empathetic for WAW. I heard her and validated what she said. But as I've discussed in earlier threads, I came to the point that I wasn't going to let her define the agenda anymore.
Remember it was her decision originally to have an affair and she was moving on with her new life, it was her decision and her validation for that decision was that you weren't the best option. Now that she sees you aren't broken hearted, that you will carry on and not just survive, you will thrive & flourish it throws her entire decision & the rationalizations behind it out of whack. It was supposed to be that way for her, she was supposed to move on to a great new life and you were supposed to suffer. You're moving on to a great new life and you're not suffering, things aren't working out as she planned and the grass isn't really greener on the other side of the fence.
Now it's your choice whether or not to work on the marriage, not hers and that's what irks her. It's great for her, things didn't work out as she planned so I'll have smiley as my backup plan which was always my intention if things didn't work out. Smiley realized that it isn't cool to be someone's backup plan if the original better plan didn't work out. Being someone's second option sucks - that's a technical term. That's what you're feeling and I think it's cool to feel that way - you should, it was & is very disrespectful to think that you would always have been there even if she disrespected you and had affairs.
You have respect for yourself, your life is improving, you have alot of value and you know it and now she may be realizing it too. You are no longer option #2, the backup plan. You are the option #1, the premium package and the buy-in for this membership is expensive and requires effort on her part, if you just give the "package" away when she wants it, it loses it's value.
You're a diamond, not a lump of coal. You are rare, you are valuable. Never forget it. It's a lesson you will end up teaching your children as well so the effects are for more reaching than you would have originally anticipated.
I'm happy to see things are turning around for you SP!
