W can't break EA - not sure how to handle it

[pigskin]

1) If things between H and I continue to strengthen, she will very naturally drop away (meaning H will break up with her).

Additionally, H and I did not have a strong connection at all when I started this work, so if I had pushed an ultimatum, I'd have lost, hands down. When the connection is stronger, I will take action if it is needed at that time.

Those are great points, things I had not considered. Delivering an ultimatum when your spouse has emotionally detached from you does seem like a futile gesture and gift wrapping them for the OP...