These are the last comments I'm going to make about this subject, because I've done too much work to detach and move on and get emotionally healthy to keep rehashing this.
Originally Posted By: Deep
I just have to butt in with my 2 cents worth .
Hey, everyone's entitled to their opinion.
Quote:
Whatever leads to the breakdown in a M, it's hard not to feel hard done by the sinking to the level of allowing an OP in. WASs may feel unloved, but there would be some cases where they are equally unloving. It's pointless trying to measure or argue who was in more pain, but (almost) no amount of pain justifies cheating.
I want to make the point that WAS's cannot all be painted with one brush. I have 6 full threads detailing the verbal and emotional abuse I've been through with my spouse...I didn't just feel unappreciated, I'd been systematically torn down day by day by day. I turned myself inside out trying to please a man who couldn't be pleased. I have no desire to explain it all again, or "justify" my actions. I don't have to justify myself.
I'll tell you I was a sitting duck for someone to come into my life and tell me I was a beautiful person, that I was special, that I mattered, that I deserved to be treated well. Little did I know that this a lovely game he likes to play, getting high off getting hurt women to eat out of his hand and tell him how wonderful HE is. Til he finds the next one.
I would be willing to bet the MAJORITY opinion here is that I deserved it. Well, I didn't deserve it. I didn't deserve to be so mistreated by one person, that vowed to cherish and honor and love me as Christ loved the church, (but those wedding vows are just the minor ones, those can be broken 68 million times without any consequences), that I fell prey to some vulture who took advantage of my pain for his own profit.
All of this experience has brought me to seek deep spiritual healing, and I've been blessed to find it. I made mistakes when I was broken. I make better decisions as I heal.
But WAW's are usually characterized as cartoonish figures that are evil, selfish, cake-eating whores looking for fun and excitement, all while being in control of their H's, with his "nuts in their pocket." Some probably are. In my case that's a crock of sh!t. I know it's easier to just say that then look at the intricacies of the situation.
And really, this morning, I was thinking I don't really care what anyone else thinks about it anyway. I just know other people are out there reading, some probably too ashamed to tell their stories or seek any kind of help, because they'll be told they deserve what they got. An abuser's favorite comment, btw.
Good luck with your situation, tristan. I hope the link I gave you helped out. A good counselor will help you a lot, and help you with your children, whatever happens next in your life. You sound like the type of person who will be able to find your way.
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