Have you read Divorce Busting or Divorce Remedy? DR especially has a game plan on how to proceed through this...

As far as washing his clothes or buying "his stuff".... I wouldn't.

Me: 50; Wife: 48
Gay; civil union in NJ
no kids
M: 15 years, together 17
Bomb (OW) 2/09 (EA 3mos/PA 3mos) ILYBINILWY
W out of house, w/OW, in separation talks, nothing filed