It was a great day with the boys. Fantastic day of baseball in the morning. Then we went to my buddy's house for a bbq who has 3 kids that my boys love to play with.
The messed up part of tonite was that my WAW called us about an hour past the boys bedtime. I didn't answer it and just gave it to the boys. She said goodnite to them and asked how it was going and just chatting in general.
I really don't understand why she called about an hour past their bedtime. But I didn't even try to talk to her. She had never called the boys two nites in a row. I'm sure she's worried that I can prove she never calls the boys when I have them.
I think she's getting worried about how she appears. Don't know, but all I know is that I will do everything I can do be the best father and person I can be. It still hurts and it's hard to believe in myself. I know I need to for me, for my boys....
Me 41 WAW 36 S 3&7 M 10 yrs W files D 1/9/09 W moves out 4/18 Lost job 6/15 New job 7/27 Disc PA 8/10 (started Nov 2008!) Confronted 8/11 Admits PA & appologies for hurt 9/11 Lost Job 11/13
I am really dreading having to see her tomorrow nite when she picks up the kids
I know I need to be strong but I am so disgusted by her right now. The cruel way she has been treating me the past 7 months is criminal
Me 41 WAW 36 S 3&7 M 10 yrs W files D 1/9/09 W moves out 4/18 Lost job 6/15 New job 7/27 Disc PA 8/10 (started Nov 2008!) Confronted 8/11 Admits PA & appologies for hurt 9/11 Lost Job 11/13
It was a great day with the boys. My cousin came over with his family and it was a blast for the boys and I. It was a crappy ending though
It was still so fresh and painful that I couldn't look at my wife. I had my cousin greet her at the door and gave her the 2 bags for the boys. I said goodbye to the boys and he walked them to her. My 3 year old wanted to stay and was really freaking out
It was really shitty
So the war begins
Me 41 WAW 36 S 3&7 M 10 yrs W files D 1/9/09 W moves out 4/18 Lost job 6/15 New job 7/27 Disc PA 8/10 (started Nov 2008!) Confronted 8/11 Admits PA & appologies for hurt 9/11 Lost Job 11/13
As hard as it might be, try to focus on winning the war within right now. And whatever you do, try to minimise the potential for your kids to be collateral damage.
You are still in my thoughts.
Me 42 W 39 Married: 11 Jan 1998, T: Since 1992 First Bomb: Sep 2007 Confirmed A/OM: 4 Nov 2007 Kids: D10, S5 Reconciled and together again after (alot of) time and heartbreak. 3rd kid, S, born 2 Jan 2010.
I actually had a very long conversation with Stronger as I was driving to NY. I'm still trying to process all that we had talked about relative to forgiving infidelity. It was great talking with her as she so openly shared her own life experiences. It was really great talking to someone who was supportive as well as take the time to listen to me drone on about the crap in my situation and just vent.
It just seems so impossible right now to envision my WAW showing any signs of remorse/regret, let alone forgiving, as all the crap is so fresh. Not just the infidelity and the graphic details of their glories awaiting for the next encounters, but what gets me most angry was the punishment she put me under the past year. Tell me how it was all my fault she needed time and space to heal and how she is so hurting still. All the while she is professing how head over heals she is to some other guy and how she was enjoying life. It seemed so cruel, it should be criminal.....
So how do you forgive that? Do you forgive someone who tortured for months just to justify their own insanity?
Good thing I have a therapy appointment tomorrow.....
Maybe I should join the anti-depressant club that is floating around here......
Me 41 WAW 36 S 3&7 M 10 yrs W files D 1/9/09 W moves out 4/18 Lost job 6/15 New job 7/27 Disc PA 8/10 (started Nov 2008!) Confronted 8/11 Admits PA & appologies for hurt 9/11 Lost Job 11/13
I did skype with my boys. She wound up on camera a couple of times. I really didn't recognize her. She doesn't look like anyone I know.
My boys seemed a little distracted as they were watching their show when I skyped. It was nice to see them again
I talked with a few close friends last nite until 2am and passed out from exhaustion. First nite I didn't wake up shaking and I only went through one box of tissues yesterday. Guess it's getting easier
Me 41 WAW 36 S 3&7 M 10 yrs W files D 1/9/09 W moves out 4/18 Lost job 6/15 New job 7/27 Disc PA 8/10 (started Nov 2008!) Confronted 8/11 Admits PA & appologies for hurt 9/11 Lost Job 11/13
Hang in there bud. You deserve better. No one deserves to be treated like this. Not everyone is strong enough to look within and do THE WORK. Hopefully, she still has it in her somewhere. If not you are better off. I know I am. Just take this time to figure out what makes you happy and how to be the best father for your boys.
Perhaps I had her Line of BS beaten into me for such a long time that I have bought into so much of the crap. I still get the urge at times to call her to say I'm sorry for hurting her to the point she did this. But there is no reason to betray the trust and torture me this way while telling me she was trying to be nice.
I want to ask her why but suspect I know her answer will be the same line of BS she had been feeding me. So I don't want to waste my time as well as wonder what good it will do
I will try to wait another week before making any decisions.
I do thank everyone for caring and supporting me
Me 41 WAW 36 S 3&7 M 10 yrs W files D 1/9/09 W moves out 4/18 Lost job 6/15 New job 7/27 Disc PA 8/10 (started Nov 2008!) Confronted 8/11 Admits PA & appologies for hurt 9/11 Lost Job 11/13
She emailed me today about a position in her company that she knew I would be interested in.
I just replied with a "Thank you"
I probably should have just ignored it, but didn't want to look like a complete a**hole. Looking back at it, I am kicking myself that I even replied. I guess I'm still weak and I let her control me.
I spoke with my therapist last nite as it seems even more painful now than it did when she dropped the bomb on 1/9/09. Even when she moved out on 4/18, it didn't hurt so bad.
It seems like the wounds had almost scabbed over and it has just been ripped open with a bazooka and I'm starting the road to healing all over again. It does seem pretty bleak and I'm so tired as I've been trying so hard over the last seven months. I just don't seem to have the energy to keep going/trying.
I know when I see my boys, I will be recharged. That will be on Thurs AM. I will take them to CT to see one of my oldest, dearest friends and his family. I'm looking forward to it. The only pain I have is that the last time I went there with my boys, she told me she found an apartment the weekend we were gone.....
I continue to pray for strength and wisdom to get me through this maddness....
This is really hurting today.
I talked to my therapist again last nite.
Me 41 WAW 36 S 3&7 M 10 yrs W files D 1/9/09 W moves out 4/18 Lost job 6/15 New job 7/27 Disc PA 8/10 (started Nov 2008!) Confronted 8/11 Admits PA & appologies for hurt 9/11 Lost Job 11/13
DUDE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Listen to me CIPA....this woman who wants to divorce you, who had cheated on you, blah blah blah just sent you an email about a job at HER COMPANY that you might be interested in.....??????
Am I the only one who sees this......??????
This is the beginning of remorse on her side CIPA. Yes, you were supposed to respond EXACTLY AS YOU DID. What's weak about Thank you? Isn't that the first thing we teach our children to say as soon as we know they are capable of being polite? Yes, thank you, it is.
Let me ask you this, if you really wanted to get away from someone, if you really didn't care what you had done in the past to hurt them, you just wanted out and away.....would you tell them about a job that would bring them closer to you?
Come on CIPA...open your eyes. I know the pain is beyond anything you've ever experienced and if you can't do it right now, don't worry, I'll do it for you for as long as you need me too.
Now, is the job something you would be interested in?
