#65 finally!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Dawn of Hope]

Hi, Maria,
I'm glad you were not offended by what I said; I was worried that you might be. We might not all agree with each other on everything, but you are the only one who really knows your sitch, so after considering all advice, hopefully you feel free do whatever you think best.

Gosh, I have to admit that I think cheating SHOULD still be a felony, and I loved those mental pictures of the adulterous pair being dragged naked through the streets! But I guess it had to stop being a felony when someone realized that at least half the taxpayers would be guilty, huh? Not good politics, although maybe it would get some of these adulterers to WAKE UP to the damage they cause!

There used to be a comedy routine based around the idea that this guy, who had a bunch of relatives he didn't like, died, and in his will he left each of them a "boot to the head!" I think that at each step in the D process, a cheating H should be served with a boot to the groin! (No, I haven't achieved complete detachment and forgiveness yet!) So, I'm liking this recent kicking discussion!

Maria, take care of yourself, and remember that we all care about you!

Peace and blessings,
Dawn

[RefuseToLose]

Maria, my friend.

I read these entries and my heart breaks for you as I know how much broken trust can hurt.

I see you make mention of wanting to hurt him as he's hurt you and these are completely normal reactions that I hope you continue to explore.

Am I worried about you? Not really b/c I know you too well now. You will do the right thing for yourself, your kids, and amazingly enough by him. He doesn't deserve how you'll end up treating him, but you will treat him correctly b/c that is who you are.

I'm glad you have decided to stop digging and torturing yourself. The only thing that can come from that is more pain for you. You know the sordid details, so learning more is just putting salt on the wound.

Take the time now to process all your emotions. Kerry is so very right that you'll unfortunately need to accept things about stbx's "new life" and how it involves the kids just like he'll have to accept yours.

He is a miserable man...maybe not even a real man, but still a boy. His actions were dispicable and immature. He exposed your son to his world of deciet and it would be understandable to never forgive him for that.

However, you will, in time, because you know that is the only way that you can be free. You know that you'll be forgiving him for Kalni, not for him. Forgiveness is about you, not the one you're "forgiving" - we could all give two real shits about the ones we're supposed to "forgive."

But, we need to forgive so we can live in the moment and plan for the future w/out being railroaded by the past. I'm working hard on this myself and I know it is an uneasy road, but in the end, we will always love the person we were with, but we won't be "in love w/them."

You'll end up truly hoping for his happiness b/c you know that is the only way he can really step up and be a good father to your children. That is your ultimate wish and you will be there someday.

...but not now. The time now is not to move forward, but to process the events of now. Take your time. Be angry. Cry. Yell. Scream. Destroy inanimate objects. Do whatever needs to be done. Process it all. Every last drop.

Once you do this, then the healing can begin.

Take all the time you need, my dear.

RTL

[AliSuddenly]

Thinking of you.. did you read Priya? http://www.priyakale.com/blog/ Sounds good in theory !! I hope you are doing ok now you are back at home. Have you seen him, or do you plan to see him? (and smack him around the head a few times no doubt).

Al xxx

[One Day]

((((K)))))

But, I cant make love to everybody to prove I am a good lover, or can I?

If I was that way inclined I'd offer my services and then sell my story to all the papers telling them how fabulous you are. And then everyone would know the truth.

Thinking of you,

L. xx

[Kalni]

A few rough moments today. My GF admitted he had told her she (OW)had met my son at a party. So, more people knew. But he wont tell me where/when it was. Jerk! He even now gets aggresive, I really need to hurt him somehow. My friends tell me that if I just ignore his existence would be best. I feel I would be making him a favor. The truth is I cant do much anyway.

Got to keep looking ahead. It's hard. So damn hard.
K

[mindfull]

Kalni... GOD! It's one thing to be a complete f*ckhead and completely deceive, but entirely another thing to get your children involved (to any degree). Careful MotherCub! You might have back-up! Reading along, and continually wishing good thoughts your way.

[faithisbelieving]

Adultery, in my state of New York...it is still on the books as a misdemeanor.

FIB

[MichelleLT]

Unfortunately you are in the vast minority in NY

[1hope]

Interesting.... after reading FIB's comment I checked out my state and found the following:

In Michigan, adultery is a felony punishable by up to four years in prison.

The Michigan Legislature has defined adultery as “the sexual intercourse of 2 persons, either of whom is married to a third person.”

The criminal statutes can be found on the Michigan Legislature’s website here:

http://legislature.mi.gov/doc.aspx?mcl-328-1931-V


So why hasn’t the crime of adultery been prosecuted in Michigan since 1971?

An obvious answer might be this: Because most of the officials responsible for the enforcement of this law are currently or have previously engaged in adulterous activities themselves.

This means that if this law was prosecuted, even once, these officials themselves would become at risk of having this law enforced on them as well.

Michigan’s Attorney General Mike Cox admitted to having an adulterous affair several years ago… If he can do it and get away with it - what kind of message does that send to the public? He might as well have issued a press release telling people “It’s OK to cheat, look at me…”

So we say this to state officials: Beware. Our goal is to either have this law enforced, or repealed.

At least if the law is repealed, our Legislature can properly send this message to the State of Michigan: “We don’t care about protecting our society or about laws designed to promote family stability - we care more about creating profitable controversy for our legal system and keeping our philandering state officials out of prison.”

[Kalni]

So, as I was posting to A&K. I am switching today. To normal ops. Enough with obssesing and jeopardising my financial settlement. While I kept quiet at first stbxH wired me 4 times the money he originally gave me for vacation when I said I needed more. Guilt money. Maybe, but I could go on vacation myself now if I wanted...

Remember guys when I used to make him wonder back in my glorious DBing days? I am back. Not for him. For me. I already shocked him by being very cooperative re the kids stuff and when he will pick them up. He was... wondering almost out loud.
I will be smart and get what I want and then, hopefully, once that is settled, I will look for true love again. I told John today, I feel I will be alone for ever. I still feel that. But, I am so open to be surprised and proven wrong this time...

Life goes on.
K