Whatever leads to the breakdown in a M, it's hard not to feel hard done by the sinking to the level of allowing an OP in. WASs may feel unloved, but there would be some cases where they are equally unloving. It's pointless trying to measure or argue who was in more pain, but (almost) no amount of pain justifies cheating.
Yeah, I could have been a better husband too. I went into a bit of a funk when I lost a (senior and relatively high paying) job years ago. I could not bring myself to take up "lesser" jobs with lower titles or that paid me less. I tried my hand at business, and my W was right in that I could not really focus on doing it properly. Needless to say, our savings started to shrink. But I felt almost no guilt since I had 2 severance payouts that would have far surpassed the average wage for the 2+ years I spent feeling sorry for myself. I did not appreciate how much it mattered to W for too long, and in the end her patience broke.
Balanced against that was my own resentment over our sex life. We went through 3 periods of no sex for at least 12-18 months, and I just tried to respect her lack of drive for it. I did blow up once, and she broke down and pleaded for understanding. And I left it at that. Could I have twisted this into some warped justification for an A at some point - even if only for the sex? Well, probably a lot more logically than my W could have justified what happened.
OPs are almost always manipulative, and snakes indeed. I saw threads recently on the script for WAWs. Maybe we should do one for OPs too, Tristan certainly noted a gem earlier in this thread. I just can't resist adding this one from W's OM when they started off: "No matter what happens, we must never hurt the children."
What a classic. What a smart prepared back door if the going gets too hot. I'm sure the kids would never have been in remote possibiity of being hurt by two married people choosing to have an A with each other.
Me 42 W 39 Married: 11 Jan 1998, T: Since 1992 First Bomb: Sep 2007 Confirmed A/OM: 4 Nov 2007 Kids: D10, S5 Reconciled and together again after (alot of) time and heartbreak. 3rd kid, S, born 2 Jan 2010.
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