Oz, just take it one bit at a time, making the bits as small as you need to. The first few months are the hardest, and the emotions will come in waves, so you will be doing okay and then something will hit you and you will start to sink. If you feel really overwhelmed, just focus on your breathing. It is a yoga technique for calming and centering (if you can get into a yoga class, it can really help you deal with things and feel better...I've been studying yoga for 15 years and have taught a little).
If you can scrape together the funds, I can highly recommend getting a DB coach--more than one session if you can afford it. You will not believe how much they can help you calm down, see more clearly, and plan ahead. I had six sessions with Jody, myself, and it's some of the best money I ever spent. Everyone I have heard talk about their experience with the DB coaches has been totally positive. I always feel a little funny, sounding like a walking ad for them, but I really believe that was a big factor in getting me through the period when all I wanted was to escape from my sitch by killing myself. Well, sometimes I wanted to kill him instead, and OW too, and figured it would be worth spending the rest of my life in prison. But I eventually came to my senses about that.
Just take things at your own pace. Postpone/delegate as much as you can if you need to. Be kind and polite to the extent possible, but it is not your responsibility to clean up the messes he has created, and don't let him get away with trying to make you do so. Check the Resource threads, they have great advice on generalities and specifics of how to help yourself get through each day and deal with it all.
Originally Posted By: girlfromoz
he acts like nothing is wrong like he is the good guy.
They all do that. WAS's, especially if they are in MLC, generally believe they can do no wrong...it must be all your fault, because they are perfect! He is nowhere near ready to accept his responsibility for the mess he has created--it generally takes years. He's like a kid who just broke a window but is insisting, "She did it!" Just on a lot larger scale.
Hope that helps some. Be kind to yourself!
Peace and blessings, Dawn
Me 45/H 47, no kids Together since 1985; M/1992 Bomb1 (EA-OW1, age 22) 2001 Bomb2 (EA/PA-OW2, age 22) 10/2007, A continues H left 11/24/08 minimal contact, no legal action http://tinyurl.com/DawnHope1
