A Little Epiphany - (and a newbie delurking)

[Dia]

Journalling - the night's recap:

Got kidlet registered for school.

Got hired for a new, better paying position.

Secured a storage unit and unloaded my car into it.

Things with H today were very low-key and relaxed but also very companionable. It was a quiet day for me, and I let him know that it was about Gramma, not him. He took me to lunch when he heard I'd gotten the new job. There were jokes, hugs and compliments - he looked straight into my face and told me I looked good.

At one point we were talking with kidlet about making some changes to his room, and kidlet countered with, "I thought Mom and I were getting an apartment?" I didn't know how to answer that, so I just looked at H and let him do it.

H: Maybe. (and the silence dragged out)

H: It depends on what Mom finds.

Interesting. I'm not sure what to make of the maybe, especially since the second part seemed like a scrambling afterthought to fill the silence. Time is my friend right now.

This evening after kidlet went to bed, he went to his computer to work on his game and I took a book to sit in the window seat near him and read. There was occasional conversation - a sentence or three here or there - but no pressure to interact and I wasn't being actively engaging or vivacious. The result, far from being distant, was a companionable, shared silence. Togetherness even though we were doing different things.

There was a particular moment where I was looking at him and smiling - he looked very good to me at that point and I was reflecting on how good it felt just being quiet together - he looked over, saw me and said, "You're smiling. You must be happy."

I kept the smile and responded with, "Yes, I am."

At bedtime, he initiated a goodnight hug and told me I smelled good.

Note to self: There was a lesson for me here. When he goes to the computer I used to feel excluded and rejected, but by taking my book and reading near him, I converted abandonment into *drumroll* Quality Time. Another big 180 from me.

He has standing plans for Thursday night, so I am going out that night, too. FIL will be here to watch kidlet and I want to make sure I don't create an unspoken assumption that I will automatically be available to watch kidlet whenever he has plans. Would I mind watching kidlet? No. But he does need to consult with me, and I get to have plans, too.