hey lnmw - haven't posted much the last bit but have kept up on your sitch. I actually wrote a pretty long response to you regarding your post, but it kind of ripped into you more than was fair, so I trashed it.
You know, we all are just doing the best we can. If you're like me, you come here hoping someone can give you that magic phrase or particular outlook that will free you from the emotional turmoil. But really those things are just suggestions and it all has to come from within you.
I probably tend to think more along the lines of how your wife feels because she's in a situation I was in. Not exactly, but close. I know how difficult it was to open up again. And I got burned one more time. But my sitch isn't yours, which is why I deleted what I was going to say the other day.
DanceQueen wrote you some great advice awhile ago. Your wife is in an intensely protective period of her life right now. You'll have to just accept that if she's the one you want to be with. You have to accept it warts and all. And if that isn't for you, then it isn't for you. But don't be untrue to yourself. It has to come from within or it'll never work. Beware the flip side, though - there isn't necessarily greener grass out there, only people that are different, with different issues at stake.
take care man. lodo
ps - one thing i will say, i couldn't believe what you said to her about the church thing and being a better person. it struck me as self-righteous and hypocritical. if I were her, i'd never step foot in church with you again. if you really did say that, lighten up a little. it isn't your place to judge. it's your place to learn how to bridge gaps and communicate, to listen, to hear the space she's speaking from and better understand the space you're in. That is, if you want to build something with her. if that isn't for you, then you should feel okay about moving on with no regrets.
but, it's all about communication. And you need to ask yourself if you really understand why she says and does the things she says and does. And you need to ask yourself if you really understand why you say and do the things you say and do. All too often we project one problem into other areas until it all becomes a muddled mess and is hard to unravel. So just talk to her. And listen. And don't respond right away - wait 24 hours. And if you really want to be with her, never ever let her feel like she isn't special.
