Hope you are feeling okay now. It is good to cry and get all that out. I have had to hold back tears quite a bit and people say you are so strong, handling all of this, they just don't get the emotional turmoil inside.
Dawn's insight into the MLCers is great and has helped me a lot, I will take a trip to the MLC forum today and have a look around.
I think your reply was good, short but sweet.
Eagerness and neediness, two things I need to work on as well. So hard though, you just want to grab them and hug them and tell them it will be okay don't you, but you can't.
Everyone is in my daily prayers, to give us strength. I am just thankful to have found great friends here.
Now I am starting to ramble on about nothing. Off to get ready for work and another week.
Hey, Mac, Glad to hear about your being on a high point of the roller coaster! Store that up so that you aren't fazed by whatever comes next.
I hope the comments about MLC have been helpful. I know that when I first read in DR about MLC, it was a _huge_ relief for me because up until that point I absolutely believed that it was my fault that my H was doing the horribly hurtful stuff he was/is doing, and treating me as though he hated me but was too polite to say so...and I thought _I_ must be the crazy person to find something wrong with what he was doing. I am, after all, an officially-diagnosed mentally ill person! (Clinical suicidal depression of 30 years' duration, FYI.)
It was only when I started reading about MLC in DR that my jaw hit the floor and I realized, "It's HIM that is messed up here...not me!" I felt as though MWD had been a fly on the wall in my house for years, because she was describing exactly what I had experienced, even though I had never heard anyone talk about it before...and all the time I thought it was my fault, that I was too depressed, too needy, too clingy, too stubborn, too flawed, too OCD...and that's why he was doing what he was doing. News flash: It was all about him, and something shooting off into the crazy MLC zone in his brain, that caused him to become a totally different person than the one I had known for almost two decades. Yes, I made a lot of mistakes, and I have a lot of flaws...but that really had nothing to do with why he changed so much.
If you think your WAS might possibly be MLC, then read everything you can about it to prepare yourself. Just be careful not to get too hung up on MLC diagnosis, because it doesn't really change what you need to do. Keep working on yourself, detaching, GAL, all of that. Keep YOUR focus on YOU.
If they ever come around and lock threads again (used to be they would lock them after about 100 posts, but not so much lately), you might consider starting your next thread in MLC forum, if you think perhaps your WAS is in MLC. I hear that people who travel there from Newcomers find they get more attention because there aren't so many people competing for it there. Also, I think more long-time posters post there, so it's not so much a case of the blind leading the blind as perhaps happens here in Newcomers.
FYI, I have been spending way too much time online lately and need to cut back a bit, but if you particularly want to hear from me, post to me on my thread in MLC (you can find the link in my signature below) and I will be notified.
I hope that helps! Take care of yourself.
Peace and blessings, Dawn
Me 45/H 47, no kids Together since 1985; M/1992 Bomb1 (EA-OW1, age 22) 2001 Bomb2 (EA/PA-OW2, age 22) 10/2007, A continues H left 11/24/08 minimal contact, no legal action http://tinyurl.com/DawnHope1
How are you, I guess your day is just starting as mine is ending.
Glad you feeling upbeat.
I think you are right about wise words coming from rambling, probably because when you ramble you are trying to analyse too much, just getting thoughts down and as you do this unconsciously I think you find answers.
I have rediscovered prayer, I got a bit lost with that over the years, strict catholic upbringing, I think it gives some form of comfort and hope. I find myself asking my father for help (he passed away 24 years ago), I was close to him and I know he is always around me always has been.
