Hi LolaL I know it's deeper than the cat. But BF is stuck on the cat thing, he won't admit it's beyond that. He said I found the one impossible thing of all things that made him leave. Recently he said he knew he'd have to go when I was bringing home apartment listings from the coffee shop. Apparently before that moment he was only saying he was leaving, then I pushed him over the edge. Instead of pleading that he stay, I tried to help him. He made the ultimatum and then felt like he couldn't back down without losing face. Willing to walk away from a r and a woman he loves for his pride. It's pretty weird to me. All the guys will say it's about how I disrespected him. All the cat haters will just say duh, of course he left. I'm still amazed. I thought I had enough influence on him tho that he couldn't resist me. I planned to resume the r as soon as he settled into his new digs, just long enough to miss me and realize his foolishness. But once he was out, he's not going to let anyone think he might have made a mistake, so he'll stick to the resolve. Stubborn. I thought his pride would shrink in time, but doesn't seem to be. thanks for the hugs. I'm ok with it all. I don't like it. I miss him. But I'm not a wreck. As he says... Life goes on. I'm here to keep my focus straight. Understand fully what happened, how I contributed, what mistakes we made - so that I can improve myself. I want to be with him, but telling him so wasn't making it happen. I'm willing to try this strategy - if all else fails, I'm doing what I should be doing to have a happy fullfilling life. Well that's the goal anyway. First I need an apartment. Then I can make some of the lifestyle changes i know I should make.
The apt. in Jersey was nice. Nothing about it was outstanding, but it had all the major features I hoped to find - a yard, a laundry room, lots of closets, an eat in kitchen which has room for my dishwasher, an on site super. It's more than I wanted to spend, but the view of the city was pretty fantastic and it felt glamorous to be on the waterfront. I'll have to think about it. It's a contender.
