Here's the final recap of my weekend vent and what is to come. I've made up my mind. Last night my neighbor invited me over and we get to talking and I told him what happened at the club the night before. We talked for hours until 3 in the morning and unbeknown to me he tells me that my W knocked at his door around the time we separated. And although he hesitated b/c he had company, he excused himself and stepped out to the porch see what was up. He further says your W said this and that about your M and why she was doing what she was doing: I was controlling, we never did anything together, I was seeing other women etc, etc. He said the conversation lasted about 20-25 minutes. I first let him know that that was not cool, and as a friend he should have not listened and should have told me about this sooner and that she was just looking for validation and just convincing herself. I know that rarely really ever happens; this is the real world and people are nosy as all hell. I'm sure he just enjoyed being able to talk to her one on one. I stand corrected, I think he actually did kind of touch on that situation before but we just never really got into it and he never told me she knocked at his door. I just assumed it was something she said in passing not a 20 minute conversation. But in any case, it is just disrespect.
He says, I never really wanted to tell you all of that, but I know a lot of other stuff, that is why I have just been telling you to move on and let her go. I believe him to an extent b/c my other neighbors, a married couple who have since moved elsewhere, caused I feel a lot of dysfunction in our M to the point where there were altercations that almost reached a physical level. Well, not the husband but the wife caused issues which led to me and her husband having words. At one point, I asked my W to stop going out and dealing with this lady, not indefinite but just for a while so we can get a handle on our M and partly b/c my W was telling me the things her friend was doing and I was growing more and more uncomfortable w/ their relationship. I told my W that I needed her to tell her friend to give us some space and if she did not, I would. Well my wife went and told her friend that and she told her husband; catalyst for the altercation. More disrespect. I swear her and my wife were inseparable to the point where I thought something was going on w/ them. Anyway, during a fallout years ago, my W runs over to this ladies house b/c she decided she was leaving me b/c I scared her or something. I was just calming down and letting her calm down, so I started calling my W to tell her to come home w/ no response. After several attempts, this woman answers my wife's cell phone and says "Hello, it's him do you want to talk to him". I could not believe the level of disrespect from my W as well as letting this woman interfere w/ our M. I knew for certain that I would have some legal problems that night b/c I was at capacity. If I am correct my W's mother came over and she went home for a day or so and came back. Well anyway, this couple I'm speaking of, the husband keeps regular contact w/ the neighbor that invited me over last night. And I know for fact that his W and my W are still hanging tough; tougher than leather. So I guess he constantly gives my other neighbor updates to what my W is out here doing. Side note: I was never invited over to these peoples house. My W was over there a lot and her friend was over to our house a few times. But we as couples, were never over each other's house all together. There were several items of discussion on that as well.
Well as I have mentioned, I have made up my mind. I have just been on the fence w/ this for months even before the events that occurred this weekend. I can also say honestly that I would have never sacrificed my heart and my mind for this amount of time if not for reading DR. And that is not a snub. I regret nothing I've done or learned for I am much stronger and wiser but I know I would not have endured this pain in this manner even as a child of God that knows that divorce is not good. I simply would have not waited this long. I would do anything for this to work God knows. I have prayed and asked him to take this in his hands months ago b/c it was so much bigger than me. I don't believe in speaking negative things into the universe, so I'll just say that it is time I bow out gracefully before I really get shook. I was actually going to wait a full year, the 24th of this month, but what does 8 days matter at this point. It seems as if she has grown desensitized to my love and our M. My W text me while I was posting earlier that she was going to bring the tax info tomorrow, but I don't really need it now. She still operates like she has the power. I don't have to be available but I will just for the sake of my intentions. Instead, I will use this time/opportunity to not pressure but to speak with my wife and bring this to a head in a pure environment. Que sera whatever will be, will be. And I cannot lie, I want to see her, I have not touched her in a year. It's just mind blowing and I know that w/ a WAS nothing is supposed to make sense, but damn. I mean I could be wrong, but besides the obvious, what women leaves behind 20 something boxes of shoes and a few coach purses. I still love my W and want the M, but I can no longer knowingly offer myself and erode my core any further for uncertainty.
