Things change so fast around here it's hard to really keep my thread up to date. The weekend was full of the usual chaos, plus some.
Coach, you'll be happy to know I found a way to praise H for his "good behavior" ... I wrote him a letter, which I agonized over, since he is so unpredictable. I emailed it to him. Then he responded with some really bizarre "joke" that I didn't quite know how to take. It was weird. So I ended up talking on the phone with him. He hemmed and hawed around about what he meant, and I said, well, what I wrote was heartfelt, and he said he knew that and he did appreciate it.
He's taking small steps to do things like talk to me on the phone and just ADMIT things like, gee I had a bad day at work, and talk about it, instead of coming home, insisting he is not angry while verbally bashing everyone in the family until he feels better. I don't know how long it can last, but it is nice for now. I keep trying to give him positive feedback gently, as I've mentioned, sometimes saying something nice to him makes him angry too, or he brushes it off in some strange way.
We looked at cars, that came to nothing. We had some tentative money conversations that didn't go too awful. The only bad thing was he got busy Sat and forgot to do something very, very important for our son. When he realized this Sun (when I asked him about it) he TOTALLY freaked out, and honestly, I think had an anxiety attack or something. I won't go into the gory details...but we finally got it straightened out. We had the biggest breakthrough yet when he didn't blame me for what went wrong, and even said later he should have listened to me, instead of panicking. I am still in shock that he didn't blame me, for any of it.
So..he's better in one sense, but still kind of...rocky..in another sense.
We have been close and friendly since he HAS stopped blaming me for everything including death and taxes, he has stopped criticizing me, he has listened to me and for the first time in years, maybe EVER, has tried to make some kind of effort to give any sense of even knowing what I'm doing. He is almost to the point of actual...encouragement. But that may be too much to hope for. The day he encourages me in any way...well...I'll get a tattoo of his name. Just kidding.
Anyway...this has made me willing to be intimate with him. And, campers, I am the one initiating it, and he is very happy. He actually was tickling me the other day. It's like I became a human being when he stopped drinking instead of his worthless scullery maid. The main thing has been him finally dropping this hardcore sexist act he's been bludgeoning me with, he's stopped trying to be "the leader" (translated "boss") and he's started being a partner.
Before we got married we talked about how we were marrying our best friend. Then afterward, apparently "best friend" meant subservient docile "meek" quiet maid girl. while he walked around our house saying he was the king. (of the a$$holes)
Again, this person could return. In fact, it's quite strange that he can be this different. I swear he has two personalities. His aunt has said that about his cousin..that she's always been two people. So. For now he's the nice one.
Do I have my hopes up? Yes. Will I fall apart the next time he loses it. I don't think so. Those days are over. He'll never beat me down again.
