Reconciliation after divorce

[Sanderika]

Hello Irish,

Thank you for the kind words.

I am glad I have helped with your PMA!!!!!

This is hard, it's nice to be here with people who have been where we are sharing their wisdom and focus. The information here is invaluable for sure.

Hi Bonny,

You don't always have to reply to H either.

For instance when he left your D's, or vice versa if you left first, did you thank him then, if so that's sufficient for that momment.

The next email to H could be something like:

D really loved riding to the wedding with you, I am glad you took her. So how'd ya like my car, drives really good doesn't it!! By the way, D is really enjoying her new place, thought I would share that with you. Glad you were on hand for the heavy lifting. Have a great work week.

You should be careful to mix up the reasons for your emails. To always let's say use them as thank-you's will become boring. H will see your mail and think..."it's Bonny, what's she thanking me for now?"

If you give H some gratitude in the round about way by stroking his ego and mentioning a few things as little nudges to open conversation he will eventually take the bait sort of speak. At some point, and be patient, H will respond to your email with the same. This is how the friendship will begin, teeny weeny baby steps. It has to always be lighthearted, fun and validating while being free of problems, confrontations and negatives. H has to learn to trust and feel safe, let go of the fear. It's like teaching a baby how to walk. They hate to let their guard down and trust that they can do it. They learn to walk though by letting go of the fear.

Bonny even if your H comes back with a D paper in his hand it doesn't mean it's over. I am proof positive of that. Don't dwell there yet. It's not wise....Think good thoughts and be positive.

I do know what you mean though about suspicions. It does seem when they are nice they want something. In my case, I have found it usually isn't/wasn't a bad want though.

You seem the opposite of me on this one....

In my case when H came by and was aggravated and irritated and distant it was when he was really pondering a D. That seems when he was most likely to mention it. I learned right from the get go that it was also the same time OW was pushing hard on him to get one.

Keep the faith, girlfriend....

(((((Bonny)))))

Sanderika