You know what she paid for the car. Will adding that to the household bills create a problem when/if she returns? A penalty for breaking the lease? What other bills has she created? Something to think about...you could still find yourself liable for the bills she has created...even more so if she returns home. Be careful.
Yeah, I thought about that one already. If she comes home(which I don't believe), we will maintain seperate bank accounts and a joint one for joint bills. She has a job and can pay for her car and if she has to pay a penalty for breaking the lease, then so be it. I'm sacraficed enough and refuse to pay those bills. Believe me, the hair stood up on the back of my neck when she told me she bought a new car especially since she constantly complains about having very little money.
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Tell her, give her a date, (do not back down this time, if you do accept this is your new way of life, forever) if not go see a lawyer before she is so far in debt you get nothing to help raise your daughter.
I hear you and agree. I have an appointment next week with a lawyer. I want to see what she has to say. She is supposed to be the best military divorce lawyer in town. I was hoping I didn't have to do this but oh well. I am tired of being alone...
M-41 ex-W-40 Together--17 years SS-20 D-14 Bomb--2 Feb 09 WAW--6 Feb 09 Officially divorced on 2 Jun 2010!!! ex-W has a boyfriend 8 Jun 2010!!! Off we go into the wild blue yonder!!!!
As she's leaving, she grabs me and says: I want to come home. I thought to myself, is that a question or does she think she can just come home anytime she feels like it? I didn't say anything and she left.
Thoughts on this interaction?
"Well, I have been doing some thinking and here is what I have decided. You have been right. It won't work. I can't believe that I have been so stupid, but I now know that I am no longer interested to be with a person who is wishy washy. I have also been thinking about what you said a week or so ago about dating and I think you were right about that too. I think we should both date around and see other people. I believe that would be the best for both of us. There is nothing more to talk about because we both know this just isn't working. Anyway, I have to get going so I am going and will talk to you later." (and then start socially interacting with the opposite sex)
Then start divorce proceedings. Hold the line. Make her come to you. Keep saying the same things. "it won't work. You were right, we should both date. I don't want to be with someone who doesn't give me their all. I don't know how I feel anymore and I need space. etc. etc. ...
Study up on what a WAW says to the BS and say those types of things to her. What she does and says to you are the things that will work on her.
Be happy, be confident and have the time of your life. Go out more. Be unavailable a lot. Don't return phone calls. Don't answer her phone calls. Make her mad..etc. etc.
That's it. Let her think and believe and FEEL that you are over her and are no longer interested. Wise men do NOT share their love or their wife with another man. Successful and confident men never chase or pursue a woman like her. They grit their teeth and move on and show her that being with a woman who can't act and prove that they want to be with you will not be tolerated. They are willing to put the relationship on the line and take the chance that it is over . These are the men that not only get the woman to come back, but usually don't lose them in the first place. PERIOD.
Wise men do NOT share their love or their wife with another man. Successful and confident men never chase or pursue a woman like her. They grit their teeth and move on and show her that being with a woman who can't act and prove that they want to be with you will not be tolerated. They are willing to put the relationship on the line and take the chance that it is over . These are the men that not only get the woman to come back, but usually don't lose them in the first place. PERIOD.
AF - Like Puppy, I really dont know what to say at this point that hasn't been beaten to death before.
This is a sick addiction. Why are you addicted to being her doormat? Why do you honestly believe you dont DESERVE better? This is what you should be FOCUSING on. Im talking from experience because I didnt think I deserved any better either until I got help and realized I had my own self-esteem issues to work on. Why do you need a pet project in your life? Why do you need to SAVE her? I have so many girlfriends that are always asking why they are dating these dirtbags that they are trying to FIX or SAVE? I tell them to look within to find that answer, along with reading "Getting the Love you want" by Hendrix.
I understand that you really THINK you LOVE her. We all get that. But someday you will realize you were in love with the women you WANTED her to be NOT who she really is. Unfortunately, I have had the same revelation. I was married to a SOCIOPATH that was NOT capable of giving or RECEIVING the same LOVE that I offered. It sucks. It hurts like HELL! But you have to ACCEPT the REALITY of the situation. She has cheated on you and your daughter numerous times. She is STILL LYING to your FACE. The writing is on the wall. I would love to see you guys work it out and be a happy family again. I would have loved for things to have worked out with my EX. Everyone want s the Disney ending. But it takes 2 ppl to make a M and she is NOT willing or most likely, NOT capable of doing the WORK.
I dont think she's ready at this point to accept Hooper's terms. I think if you follow Gucci's advice for the next 6 mons. then you will know WHERE she is REALLY at and then you will have the clarity to KNOW if she is what you want.
Update--I finally called the lawyer and set up an appointment. I don't know why that was so hard for me to do.
D and I haven't heard from the wife for three days now. D is really angry lately. I don't know what to say to her anymore regarding the wife.
More drama--my SS cancelled his wedding 1 day before his fiances b-day and less than 1 week before the wedding. Other than that not much has changed. I continue to not call her and she continues to be indecisive. I understand that it's a pretty safe bet that if she's not home, she's doing something she shouldn't be doing. I've made an attempt to be more social--started branching out and going out to lunch w/ folks I know around the base and pretty much have thrown myself into work. I'm still working out almost everyday as well. I am going out this weekend to an upscale establishment that serves frosty cold beverages since I have extra money now as I don't have to travel to a wedding and pay for a tux and hotel costs...
M-41 ex-W-40 Together--17 years SS-20 D-14 Bomb--2 Feb 09 WAW--6 Feb 09 Officially divorced on 2 Jun 2010!!! ex-W has a boyfriend 8 Jun 2010!!! Off we go into the wild blue yonder!!!!
Have you thought about counseling for your daughter. 13 is touch enough, without being abandoned by your mom.
Just a thought.
She's been already. The counselor told me there would be times like this and that we would have to work through them. The counselor gave her some techniques to deal with the sitch and I have been making sure my D gets some type of physical activity daily. Today she chased me for 2 miles on her scooter.
M-41 ex-W-40 Together--17 years SS-20 D-14 Bomb--2 Feb 09 WAW--6 Feb 09 Officially divorced on 2 Jun 2010!!! ex-W has a boyfriend 8 Jun 2010!!! Off we go into the wild blue yonder!!!!
You sound really good,I am glad. Calling the lawyer is a hard step for me too. I called and did the free consult thing 10 months ago, but haven't been able to go back and actually file.
Too bad about the wedding but good for your wallet. And better he didn't go through with it if he didn't want to, b/c that would have been worse in the long run.
You sound really good,I am glad. Calling the lawyer is a hard step for me too. I called and did the free consult thing 10 months ago, but haven't been able to go back and actually file.
Too bad about the wedding but good for your wallet. And better he didn't go through with it if he didn't want to, b/c that would have been worse in the long run.
I wish I was as good as I sound. Some days are better than others. I suppose it will get easier once the divorce is done. This seems to be the only way I can get some sort of peace. Being in limbo is not fun!
M-41 ex-W-40 Together--17 years SS-20 D-14 Bomb--2 Feb 09 WAW--6 Feb 09 Officially divorced on 2 Jun 2010!!! ex-W has a boyfriend 8 Jun 2010!!! Off we go into the wild blue yonder!!!!
