Hi Karen and Mermaid, And there I didn't think I saw any famaliar names. It's so great to hear from you both. Thank you for the comments on stats. I do agree with you, they're just numbers. I think I've always believed so fervently that this had to be MLC, because H changed so much, I've thought if I could just hold out, not do any damage, and be patient, he'd eventually come back. I've often thought it would have been easier if H had died. Not that I would have thought of it that way if that's what happened, and I never other version. I suppose I'd have had trouble moving on then too, feeling guilty, like lots of widows do. But, I really think this is so much harder, because there's always that slim chance he'll come back. Where as in the case of death, that option is no longer there.
When I say I don't want an OM, I don't mean ever. I would love to have the same thing H and I had, with another person, if it's not H. But, only if there were absolutely no chance of having it again with H, and I were to marry again. But, I don't think the pain of this, if H doens't come back, will ever be totally gone. With that said, after this happening, I am much more critical of any man. Before I was married, I was young and blissful ignorant. There's actually only one man I have been attracted to since H left, but I'm ambivalent regarding him at other times. He knows I'm not D, and he's been D 3 times. Talk about a big red flag. Not even sure he's too interested in being more than a friend. He did mention he'd been involved with an 'almost divorced' woman one time. The way he said it sounded like he didnt plan to do it again. I don't know the details. I can't help but compare him to H. There are of course pros and cons. I'd still pick my old H over a new unknown one.
I loved having some to share my life with. I've been lonely most of the time since H left, even while trying to fill my time with friends & activities. I loved having a man in my life. I'm sure I'd have many doubts, if another man ever happened. Lots to work through with a new H. I'd finally gotten through that with H. (He'd married his HS sweetheart, and been married about 2 years. She cheated on him, and moved out. He divorced her. I was worried for a long time that he'd go back to her. ) H seems to think he knows what this feels like, based on that. Personaly, I think this happening after 15 years marriage is quite different than in the first couple years, when you're in your early 20's. I'd imagine any man I would get involved with might have those same worries about me, and rightfully so. I haven't gotten involved, in fairness to me, and any OM. Because I know I'd run to H in a heartbeat, if he were willing.
Thanks again for your notes. I apologize for not responding right away. Had to take time to think. Still not sure what to do, stay or call it quits. Tomorrow, is my 22nd anniversary. Last one we celebrated was the 16th. That was a year after I'd learned of OW, and a month or so before he moved out. I'd asked, will we be here next year, and his response was 'probably'.
