I mean this from both sides. Both spouses need to hold the other with care. When one doesn't do that, when one actively hurts the other, the hurt spouse has to protect themselves.
Some marriages have to end. I know this. But I do wonder if a few more could have been saved if the people involved only knew how. I'm not thinking clearly right now. The image of you wanting to drive off a cliff to end your suffering made me rethink what I am writing.
I'm a tough cookie but screaming and beating my chest that marriage is forever wasn't working. It wasn't so much that I would have killed myself, I just could not accept on any level that my life could be ok with a D. That would of course mean that it was all a lie or that I'm a failure or that I am going to teach my kids that D is just fine by being happy...I still struggle with the last one. How will my kids learn the value of honoring such an important commitment?
Worse yet, I will probably have to file for D myself so that I can be better provided for and have some stability. H is doing fine as it is, just tossing me money here and there.
But, life is short. I'm gonna make the best of it. I know I love (d) him. I'm glad I DB'd and was intimate with him. And I'm glad for when I didn't DB and cried and imparted to him what was at stake and what I was feeling. It was all worth it. I personally can't live like that anymore, having my life be about a man who is living in his own place, dating other women and has totally dropped the ball with regard to respecting, honoring and providing for his family.
I've got two kids and I'm 38...my life can't wait any longer.
