Hah, we lived together in MA we separated, I moved out, she started a new life with Cossack as BF. I moved to PA then she moved to NOLA. Cossack is in MA.
There is so much stuff in the book that I wish I could share with W but I won't risk a discussion beyond necessary business for now. Someday I hope soon.
She seems to think that SHE is giving ME space. I don't think I like that.
If I didn't have to go to work today at 5pm I would not leave my bed.
I just don't feel very good at all. I feel like there is so much that needs to be explained to my wife and that if she just understood, she would wake up from this negative trance that she has been in.
I have already tried that though. It seems that she hears only the pieces that she needs to condemn the marriage, so I won't do that anymore.
But today, I have nothing to fill my day with, just read until time to work, then come home and go to sleep. I won't stay like this for long, just okay to do it today I think.
I wish there were P.M. available, I could sure use a conversation with some folks here.
I wish there were a way I could explain to myself: How did I feel that I wanted to save the marriage but at the same time develop an affair? How could I have done this but not given up on my marriage? I don't even understand myself.
X, I understand you and why you did have the A. And your wife should understand too. She put you through alot. I was here when you were trying to work on your m. You didn't just pick up and have the A. She wasn't giving any indication that she wanted the M. You have a life to life too. The creator gave you life and he also wanted you to be happy, not just your wife. Now I know an A is only a temporary happiness but sometimes the pain is too much to bear so I can understand why you sought after that temporary happiness in hopes of moving on. Now I'm a stranger to you and if I can understand that, your wife should too. Likewise, I have been the one hurt by my H having an A, so I know the pain of an A but still I undeerstand why you did what you did. Your wife understands, i strongly think she does. I can't help but feel like this is just another means of her having the upper hand. I'm sure you've explain yourself tons to her and she knows how sorry your are. I beat you've apologized more for your brief A than she has for her year long A. I think she is just using her "hurt" as a cover and means to control you. Try acting a little less guilty, see if she won't cut it out. I know this for sure since my H has been having his A for years but acts like I am so wrong for going on a date. Bullcrap!!
