Hon, we "put ourselves through this" because we are in severely damaged marriages and have no choice but to go through it. How we do it is the only question. And each sitch is obviously distinct.
I get what you're saying about indifference, so let's not use that word. But, I can't be about loving my H at this point, I have to love myself, my kids, survive, thrive...perhaps my love for h goes into hibernation for now, easily accessed and always honored and regarded as legitimate, just not my first priority.
I found words like my own offensive way back when but when I was ready to drive off a cliff because I was so heartbroken, I realized that something had to change. I will always love H but I don't feel it when I see him or pine for him or care to be around him. I can't negate Eli, so I suppose I can call it moderated indifference.
