Hi goingtofixME. I'm definitely getting it. Having the two young ones to co-parent requires me to be a bit more conscious of how I handle my relationship and our rapport. If I could just x him out that would be optimal but, I know that in reality, my kids will fare better if we are at least civil. It is just different.
What I really need help with here is the reality of communicating with him not the wishful thinking that I can just make him disappear. It is easy to make general assessments of what I need to do but in reality, there are so many little traps and pitfalls and these little kids in the middle.
Anyway, the most important thing is that I am detached and not pining for him. Above all else, I have my mind and soul back...the rest will work out.
LOL!!!!!!! Not gonna happen!!! And I'm not gonna tell you that H was nice to me and I think there's a chance...
My only MO is care of myself and my kids and the lunch seemed to be positive for my kids. That's it. And FYI, I was more than happy once it was over. I'm not looking for "opportunities to shine"...
OMG...you really gave me a good laugh. And with all due respect, I feel bad making fun because I understand Kevin and he is living according to his beliefs and how he is intrinsically motivated. Regardless of what we think or if we make fun of it, that is his comfort zone. All the power to him, really. Just would NEVER work for me.
Who is Kevin? don't make me search, I'm lazy right now... what did he do?
LOL. In a nutshell, Kevin's religious zealotry has kept him from detaching and focusing on himself. He basically can't detach IMO because he doesn't believe in divorce or that he can ever remarry...it is a church thing. Apologies to Kevin for my oversimplification.
When he makes progress, the slightest gesture of decency from his wife sets his heart aflutter and he seems to live for those moments IMO.
Anyway, whereas, I should not have been available to have lunch with my H, I didn't have the presence of mind to say no...just went in for it. Kevin will rarely miss an opportunity to see his W...it is always a chance to fix it or make a better impression.
I feel kind of cruel referring to him but I do learn so much about what not to do and where I do not want to be emotionally by reading his thread. If it works for him, all the power to him.
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
