K4D Rising #4

[K4D]

Love is compassionate. Love is wanting your S to return for their sake. Love is caring about them and their needs. Love is about being selfless.

Do we desire our S back? Yes. Does God want our family to be united and one under him? Yes.

But we have to ask ourselves. Do we want our S back for our own selfish reasons? Or do we want them back because we care about them and our family? Or is it a combination of both? If you care about your spouse, you will not pursue them. You will not tell them how wrong they are. You will pray for their salvation and not your own personal wants or desires. We should want them back because it is what is best for them. You want them to come back because they want to come back because they have realized through your own changes that they are better off with you and not without you.

How do you make it what is best for them? You have to change you. You cannot change them. Through your changes if they are sincere, your S will see that and then become interested in you again because they see that you truly care about them for them and not for yourself.

This is what it means to be unselfish. Many people want their S back for their own needs and wants and desires. I am guilty. But is that a real reason for them to come back? No. The real reason for them to come back would be because you care about them and what happens to them. When they see that you are no longer wanting them back for you but instead because you care about them, you have a much greater chance of success with your marriage. When they see that you can be happy without them, that is far more attractive than you only being able to be happy because they are with you and not somewhere else.

Now there is some bit of complication in this as you may have children that are involved and what is best for them is to have both of their loving parents together raising them together. So in essence, this means that you also want them to return for the betterment of the family. The family is better intact if it is a healthy environment.

For those of you that believe in the unity of God and marriage, this would also mean that you care about their salvation. When your S sees these changes within you, then, and only then will they see someone that truly loves them for them and cares about them and not yourself.

Bottom line, don't pray for your S to return because it is what you desire and want. Pray for your S to return because it is what is best for your S, your kids, and everyone's salvation.

Your job as a H is to lead and serve. This comes with true unconditional love. How do you lead? By example. By showing mercy, compassion, understanding, caring, sacrificing. When they are happy, you are happy because they are happy.

Not detaching is selfish. It means you are not letting go of the grip on them. It isn't your job to grip them or control them. It is your job to be a protector, not a gripper. It is your job to allow them to lead their own life why you love them unconditionally. Letting go does not mean you don't love them. It means that you are showing compassion for them and allowing them the freedom to be who they need to be. It means getting rid of strife. It means that it is ok to disagree and still be in unity.

Truly loving someone is the most selfless thing you can do. You must distinguish the difference between loving someone for them, and wanting someone for you. When you love someone, your wants, desires, needs and happiness come last. Don't confuse this with being codependent. Codependent means you cannot be happy without them. You can be happy without them. Being happy without them is what allows you to truly love them for them. When you love them for them, happiness is the compliment to that.

When the person you love does something that hurts you, it is because you love them. But when you hurt, it should also be because you don't want them to make a decision that is bad for them. There is a feeling of betrayal when someone hurts you. That is natural. But you should not be angry at them, but instead feel pity for them because in the long run, they are really harming themselves if you have truly loved them in the way that you are supposed to. If you have not truly loved them in the way that you are supposed to, sometimes it is better for them to remove themselves from a situation until a true change has taken place within you. After that true change has taken place in you, then it is better for them to return if that change takes place. If you truly love them, you will understand this and work on changing you so that they can return to the type of relationship they should have been able to expect from the beginning. If they still do not return, you pray for their salvation because you truly love and care about them and what happens to them.

I believe if you have this kind of true love, there is no reason for your S to walk away from you and if they do, you have a far better chance of them coming back then if you don't have true genuine love for them.

This is a daily task that everyone must learn to do better each day of their lives. It takes work to truly love someone as Christ loved us. Knowing you will be let down should never change your love for that person. We all make a choice to love and it should always be a lifetime choice once the "I DO" is said. Regardless of what is thrown your way, your love should never change, but only get better and stronger with time as you continue to strive and grow into who you should be as a person, H/W, F/M. Love your S as Christ loved the church. Your S will fall as will you. Pick yourself back up and work harder to not fall again.

To often the whole point of true love is missed in marriages. Often times people confuse love with lust and self gratification. Love is neither lust or self gratification. Love is anything but the 2.

I think I am getting into the area of what true love really is. Please correct me if I am wrong.

Kevin

Gosh I have been so wrong in my thinking.