To me it is semantics. Being on here a while has taught me not to fear becoming indifferent or moving on myself...most sitches here end in divorce anyway. The ones that make it tend to require the same degree of acceptance and detachment as those that don't. It is counterintuitive but one proclaims and embraces that he/she is alive and vital and capable of thriving without the M. If the WAS comes back at that point, you've got something real to work with.
If most of the marriages here end in divorce . . . why put yourself through this? I asked about the difference because, at least to me, indifference is the end of all relationships.
"The opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference. The opposite of art is not ugliness, it's indifference. The opposite of faith is not heresy, it's indifference. And the opposite of life is not death, it's indifference.” Elie Wiesel
I'm a man . . . But I can change . . . If I have to . . . I guess . . .
Hon, we "put ourselves through this" because we are in severely damaged marriages and have no choice but to go through it. How we do it is the only question. And each sitch is obviously distinct.
I get what you're saying about indifference, so let's not use that word. But, I can't be about loving my H at this point, I have to love myself, my kids, survive, thrive...perhaps my love for h goes into hibernation for now, easily accessed and always honored and regarded as legitimate, just not my first priority.
I found words like my own offensive way back when but when I was ready to drive off a cliff because I was so heartbroken, I realized that something had to change. I will always love H but I don't feel it when I see him or pine for him or care to be around him. I can't negate Eli, so I suppose I can call it moderated indifference.
I'm sorry alive. I didn't mean to pry so. I hate seeing what we do to each other in our marriages. It just seems so damn wrong to go from what was at our weddings to what is now. I guess all things change, but people aren't disposable. And promises should matter.
I'm a man . . . But I can change . . . If I have to . . . I guess . . .
I'm sorry alive. I didn't mean to pry so. I hate seeing what we do to each other in our marriages. It just seems so damn wrong to go from what was at our weddings to what is now. I guess all things change, but people aren't disposable. And promises should matter.
No apology necessary. We are all here because we care. None of us are glib about marriage or our vows. It has been a gift to come here and recognize that I can have my beliefs about marriage and what it should be AND deal with the reality of what it is in my case and many others.
I mean this from both sides. Both spouses need to hold the other with care. When one doesn't do that, when one actively hurts the other, the hurt spouse has to protect themselves.
Some marriages have to end. I know this. But I do wonder if a few more could have been saved if the people involved only knew how. I'm not thinking clearly right now. The image of you wanting to drive off a cliff to end your suffering made me rethink what I am writing.
I'm a man . . . But I can change . . . If I have to . . . I guess . . .
I mean this from both sides. Both spouses need to hold the other with care. When one doesn't do that, when one actively hurts the other, the hurt spouse has to protect themselves.
Some marriages have to end. I know this. But I do wonder if a few more could have been saved if the people involved only knew how. I'm not thinking clearly right now. The image of you wanting to drive off a cliff to end your suffering made me rethink what I am writing.
I'm a tough cookie but screaming and beating my chest that marriage is forever wasn't working. It wasn't so much that I would have killed myself, I just could not accept on any level that my life could be ok with a D. That would of course mean that it was all a lie or that I'm a failure or that I am going to teach my kids that D is just fine by being happy...I still struggle with the last one. How will my kids learn the value of honoring such an important commitment?
Worse yet, I will probably have to file for D myself so that I can be better provided for and have some stability. H is doing fine as it is, just tossing me money here and there.
But, life is short. I'm gonna make the best of it. I know I love (d) him. I'm glad I DB'd and was intimate with him. And I'm glad for when I didn't DB and cried and imparted to him what was at stake and what I was feeling. It was all worth it. I personally can't live like that anymore, having my life be about a man who is living in his own place, dating other women and has totally dropped the ball with regard to respecting, honoring and providing for his family.
I've got two kids and I'm 38...my life can't wait any longer.
Yeah, I had to be talked down off of the roof after hearing that one, too.
Me-40 W-41 Together-10 M-8 S-6 S-4 Bomb 5/08 Bomb 10/08 Thought things were better, was wrong. Still living together Wife doesn't think she will ever love me again.
