Tristan, is she in therapy? With an issue like this, you are dealing with a perpetual minefield..,

I think we women do want to be taken and it has no correlation to rape, it is a way of ineracting sexually with consent.

Until your wife gets help, you and OM are just players in some kind of perverse reinactment...

I think Imago therapy would be awesome for you two since you are obviously willing to do the work. Maybe you guys will get there.