d-day coming soon - help !

[misshim]

I find that my heart is changing alittle. The town people have been very nice to me since the divorce. They come up and wish me well. I don't say anything bad about my XH, he was born & raised in our town and I only came there 8 years ago.

Funny how I have heard some really crazy things about my XH. Even from his friends. My chin just drops because I was so shocked. Then when I get time to myself I reflect back to our beginning of the R and then M. He never, really showed me love. Foolish me !!!

I have had a few men ask me out. But I'm not ready for that, plus everyone knows everyone else in my town. These men know my XH very well. Guess I wouldn't really even trust these men to go out with (dinner), I almost feel like they'd report back to my XH.

I feel more sorry for him then ever. He's still spiraling down and gets into alot of trouble. The scary part in my heart is that I won't be there to help him and I don't think I want to be anymore.

I've been dressing up and going out more with friends. It's so fun to be able to talk to these people, men & women. I'm having alittle bit of fun. I even went out saturday night and we had so much fun. Laughing and carrying on that we all hung out till 7 am sunday am. But at my age, I paid the price. Got home, did chores, mowed the lawn so that was my day. Sure was tired but it was worth it.

Just to be able to talk to these people was so nice. My XH never would sit and talk to me. My guy friends are nicer to me. More than my xh ever was to me, even when were first married. And my female friends are always saying - why would you have ever married him in the first place, he was frumpy and was always at the bar.

Oh well, lesson learned. I'm going to enjoy my life now. Hard somedays but now I know that the Lord was watching over me during all of this. Alot of people say that they cant believe how brave I was thru all of this. I just say it wasn't because I was brave, it was because the lord was holding me up and saying -- Hang on !! it will be fine, either way.

Take care