I'm not here to argue with you. I am a woman. I was in a similar place to his wife. With our marriage in shambles, I felt H's sexual pursuits as glossing over and completely self-centered. Objectively, I see now what was going on but in it, I felt objectified and could not relate to or respect his desire to be sexual with me given the way we were interacting and the shambles that our marriage was. Even when he was assertive or what you think is "manly" it felt desperate and just that he needed to get off; it did nothing to improve our R or our intimacy.
After H left, I found him more attractive and we had great sex. Why? He was being an a**hole BUT, we had become un-enmeshed and his issues felt less like my problem. I don't know how to explain. I suppose I saw him as a separate and sovereign man. The sex was amazing and it was a relief because I had previously thought I was frigid despite fantasizing about other men. I can almost guarantee that with 3 kids, depression, her mom dying, Thinkers wife has no sex drive...EAs are one thing but actual sex is another. I since stopped having sex with H because he had left our family and was openly pursuing other women and again, with no real relationship, intimacy, partnership, my sexual attraction has diminished. I'm just glad I know I am still a sexual creature and capable of it.
Pursuing a woman sexually who is depressed and has three young children, a mother dying and a marriage she laments is all but over...well, that is a crap-shoot if I've ever heard of one.
Then again, Thinker, you haven't got much to lose so maybe you should just go for it...better put on your brass balls in advance though.
