In short, robx, I think asking for sex just for sex is great...caveat- when a marriage is in tact.
This is about reality, not what should be.
Yes, having an affair and/or withholding sex are emotionally abusive behaviors. However, there is always something happening within the dynamic that is perpetuating it (and those two are VERY different things, affair or withholding).
We are not talking about what should be but what is. When a woman leaves the R emotionally, sex is usually not the way back in.
The confidence the men here need (the women too) is confidence that needs to be generated separate and apart from a spouse who has essentially demeaned and disrespected them. I joked with my H that he would want to have sex with me even if we were signing D papers and I was right. Sex is sex. It means almost nothing once the relationship is on the ropes. And women are particularly sensitive to this. Seeing as DB is about trying to salvage a M in which one person is actively leaving...unfortunately, fair or not, it is important to pay attention to what that spouse needs to feel secure or at least open to the possibility of a satisfying R.
I agree that optimally, sex should be without strings and yes, I want to be "taken" but not by someone who is failing to deliver in every other area.
