Over the Shock and GALing 6

[SDFoundGirl]

I thought a woman's point of view might be helpful, and as I've had those same feelings about my H from time to time, I thought something I had to say might help. Maybe not.

Now, I KNOW my H isn't gay, but there are times I want to tell him to put on his big boy pants and be a man. He is over-considerate (to everyone, really), never expresses what he wants, and sometimes lets me run all over him. I'm a pretty forceful person (my mother raised me to be really strong), and before he bombed me, I'd just wage war and get what I wanted. Now I consciously step back and try to get him to say what he actually wants.

Which is still like pulling teeth most of the time. I mean, how hard is it to just express a preference?

If it were up to me, I'd have my H have more of an opinion, state what he wants, GO FOR what he wants (especially sexually...the tentative oh-I-so-hope-she'll-let-me is just a turnoff. I want him to come up and lay a big smacker on me...you know, knock me off my feet.

My H was more like this when we were dating, and somehow along the way I found out he'd handed his nuts over to me in a mason jar. Partly my fault, I know.

Women want men who are clear, decisive, strong, have clear boundaries and are confident.

Part of it right now with your W is her state of mind...and part of it is that something is lacking from you in that department.

Your comments to her seem to tiptoe...overly concerned and polite. The cold, hard truth would be better. That's not being mean, it's being truthful.

"I'm sorry that you're in a state of confusion, W, but I am not now nor never have been gay. You don't have to manufacture excuses if you want to leave; just put your big girl panties on and do it."

Or something like that...guys, you'd know how to wordsmith that better.

I had to be softer with my H when he dropped the bomb, but I think that was necessary because I am female and I needed to let him get his manhood back. That giant bomb earned more respect from me than all the wishy-washy passive aggressiveness that had come before.

SD