S,your h keeps telling you what he needs you to do and you keep doing what you want anyway, ya know?

He doesnt want you to bring her up, so stop.
He doesnt want you to tell him what to do, so stop.
He wants you to let it go, so let it go.

Not because he says so, because it is best for YOU. Talking about her and pressuring him about it is not good for you.

He will go to the party or he wont. Either way, this has to play out in its own time or it will come back to bite you.