Newcomer, want to keep my hope alive!

[iwantittowork]

Cookout went well enough, but I had a tougher day in general than I was expecting.

With her putting her rings away for good, and then before the cookout telling me that SS18 has moved into his dad's house and changed his mailing address. (W is currently staying in what was his room, and he has started clearing out his stuff to empty it.) And her new bins in our room to start packing her stuff away.

I kept my PMA for the cookout, but it was short, her friends came over with there younger kids, so I wound up kind of baby sitting our dog, who is rather rambunctious and the little boys that were over are afraid of dogs. I took the dog for a walk after a bit, to try and settle her down and tire her out, and W could hang with her friends a bit.

I did the grilling for the people that were over, paid for the food W cooked, did all the dishes and cleaned up when everyone was done. W pretty much ignored me all day and I didn't let it bother me. She gave me a brief "thanks for watching the dog while everyone was over" and went to watching TV for the rest of the night, so I made sure d8 took a shower and put her to bed and read a quick story.

After, I was just really somber, not depressed, but just what the heck is the point at this point. W says and thinks I am her main block for happiness, prosperity, and a great life, and I have always hated my SS's and treated them like crap, that I am abusive to everyone and always will be. (Note, she wasn't saying this last night, but has numerous times in the past few months.)

I spent the evening in my room just reflecting on all this, as I didn't want to be around her. I was not depressed, just looking back at everything and wondering what is going to be best for me. I just don't know. I look at my d8 and so want to work out my M.

Sorry, probably sounds like I am whining, but I am not, just reflecting my thoughts, and trying to decide what is right for me.