She is not my concern atm - I will not snoop on her or anything like that. Your right she is gone and it is a huge shock. I think people are starting to see that.
This is a huge moment in my life - nothing can prepare you for this and it is completely full-on.
Me & the kids will need counselling - this is coming to a head. I think atm they don't realise how bad it is and I am thanking God for that.
It is completely unbelievable. The comments you made about them lying are so true. The problem is the truth is slowly coming out and it ain't looking good for her.
I told my wifes dad that I wasn't accepting his version of events - he says it is all my fault - and stated that maybe what is happening is due to her childhood.
He must have thought about it because my wifes sister called her and they had a discussion about her being abused.
This is absolutely full on and discussing it over the net really helps because I can do it anonymously.
Counselling Thursday for which my wifes goal is a seperation - maybe it is best as she is in a real bad place atm. I don't know what the counsellor will say because her version of events is far far far away from reality.
Steve, Separation is easier in some ways, but not to your advantage overall. If you want to give your M a chance, do what you can to discourage separation, while making it clear that it is her decision and you will not stand in her way if that is what she decides. This does not mean that you have no chance if you separate; it only means that you should not do anything to encourage it, because that triggers things like "You forced me out of my house!" You have a fine line to walk, because although you should try to avoid separation if possible, it is very important to make it clear that you are not fighting with her about it or trying to control her. The line to keep repeating ad infinitum is, "It's not what I want, but the choice is up to you."
DO NOT, repeat, DO NOT, under any circumstances, agree to leave your home without legal orders or give up at least half time with your kids.
Oh, and try to stop discussing the sitch with her family, because they will almost always see you as the bad guy, no matter how totally around the bend she might be. Try not to say anything bad about her, especially to her family. Trust that the truth will come out in the end, although it may take a while. It is not your job to see that it does. If you go about your business and do what is right, in the end the truth will be clear to everyone. It's that interim part that is difficult!
Peace, Dawn
Me 45/H 47, no kids Together since 1985; M/1992 Bomb1 (EA-OW1, age 22) 2001 Bomb2 (EA/PA-OW2, age 22) 10/2007, A continues H left 11/24/08 minimal contact, no legal action http://tinyurl.com/DawnHope1
Dawn - again thanks for your advice. You are correct and I'll keep playing it like that.
With regards to speaking to her family her father has been involved but he has been stating complete crap. For my own self respect I needed to explain that he couldn't keep blaming me for my wifes problems. Maybe I didn't need too but I felt I needed too.
As for my wife - she just asked me to sign a withdrawl for $600 to which I said I would think about it and to give me some time. She then ripped up the withdrawl and attacked me for being controlling. Anyway such is life.
In some ways I'm enjoying finding my backbone. It is very much like although she is in a crisis I am changing as well. My changes though imo are positive and involve me being stronger whereas she seems more & more like a wreck.
Me & the wife are now seperated but she now seems willing to go to counselling & try and work it out. The counsellor is pro-marriage but to make it work my wife is going to have too want to make it work.
Steve, great news. Remember to validate her feelings. You may not agree with what she is feeling, but they are hers and you need to respect them. In turn, you should expect the same respect.
Try to use this time for you. Continue moving forward and doing the work you need to do.
My wife now seems to want to make it work and too keep the seperation to a minimal time (less than what the counsellor has suggested).
She certainly has had some form of breakdown & it won't be an easy fix.
I have no idea how people get through this (it is absolute madness) but for the past couple of weeks I have been feeling a lot better and that has helped.
We are far from out of the woods yet but thanks for your help - I'll keep you updated.
Hey Steve, great news! I am glad you realize that you arent out of the woods yet. Just remember to validate her feelings, continue to give her space and let her work through things in her own way, in her own time.
Continue on your journey for you. Grow, learn, GAL, have a lot of patience. There are still some ups and downs ahead for you, but if you do the work, you will be able to handle them.
Please let us know how things are going. I will keep you in my prayers.
Just found your thread and decided to read up on it. Your sitch sounds very similar to mine. Everything Dawn has said is right on the money! Take all that to heart!
Even though it sounds like your W is reasonable now w.r.t the S as far as keeping it short, working on things, prepare yourself for a long haul. I am not saying this discourage you, but, most likely, every time you hit a new low in your R with W, there will be a newer even lower low after that. This will take quite a long time. Check out my thread if you want, my sitch started just like yours in the fall of 07. 2 years further, I am starting to see glimpses here and there of my old W, and they are getting longer. Just prepare yourself for a long trip.
My wife is appearing to return to her old self to a degree. This is mixed up with moments of the madness.
We are seeing more of each other & I have been going to counselling on how to handle things. She has agreed to counselling but hasn't really been going - I hope that that will change.
I expect things to either improve or get worse over the next couple of weeks.
