It is sunday night, and I feel really good.I wanted to prove to myself that I could stay home and see just how strong I could be no matter what I saw.
Saturday night H/on Harley roared in at about 10:00 He looked really beat. I greeted him nicely and exchanged a few friendly words before he zonked out. I still don't know where he went or who he was with. I will leave that alone. When I went out to the garage tonight though I did notice the passenger foot rests were up as if they weren't used.
H was home all day today. I made a nice breakfast, and he cleaned up afterwards. We made rootbeer floats this afternoon, and then had dinner. He still eats in the other room. It makes me feel bad, then I think maybe it's uneasy for him. Maybe a little guilt?? Nah. Maybe. Also he was talking on the phone to his mother and I heard him say MJ's fine, she just started back to work. Since she asked about me, I'm now wondering if she knows what's going on. She lives in another state.
I have noticed a difference in H weekend routine. There was a time when this all started that he would come home in the middle of the night or not at all. Friday night he didn't even know I was here, and he came home at 9:00. Would have been better right after work, but at least it wasn't middle or all night. At the beginning, he would sometimes come home on a friday night and change into different clothes ( clothes I picked out and bought ) and scurry out the door. Oh those were awful days. I couldn't believe he was doing this.
I look back and it's amazing how I made it through this last year. My good christian friend came into my life just in time. I believe that was all part of a bigger plan. Then I found Rejoice Marriage Ministries that convinced me to stand for my marriage and treat H with unconditional love. Then at last this website, and books. I found out so much about MLC. Everything I was reading was everything H was saying and doing. WOW! I couldn't believe it.
I heard something on the Inspirational channel last night. "Do not fear because GOD is right there with you. GOD is on your side. Once you get to the place where you can let go and really put it in GODS hands a peace will come over you. Also, a teacher doesn't talk during a test, and neither does he. Be still and know he is there.
FEAR knocked at the door FAITH answered No one was there
