Hey all..I am here...Just needed a few days to think...Still at a crossroads and waiting to see what to do next...I have so many questions and doubt/confusion/fear has clouded my judgement...Waiting on a sign I guess to see what my next move is.
May All Who Seek To Take My Life Be Put To Shame And Confusion; May All Who Desire My Ruin Be Turned Back In Disgrace. ~Psalm 40:14~
with certainty/focus/love/faith and your path will be clear. Don't look in the rear view mirror to see where to go. Moving forward for you is good, forward is not a straight line. Forward is just not here. You are not alone, you are not the first down this path, and you will survive but you must take the steps by yourself. You can handle it.
Cheers
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
I try so hard to not focus on him and her and what they are doing however the last few days I have come to the conclusion they are living together (he said he lived on his own alone) and I am having a hard time dealing with it...The lies are astronomical and I am at the point that I don't know what to believe anymore when he talks to me. Last night I actually questioned our whole marriage and whether he ever loved me...I had the last 3 days off of work and a very idle mind which isn't a good thing.
May All Who Seek To Take My Life Be Put To Shame And Confusion; May All Who Desire My Ruin Be Turned Back In Disgrace. ~Psalm 40:14~
I have been trying to read the books I see noted on here (DB & DR of course)...
I haven't read the 5 Languages of Love (I think that is what it is called) yet and I recently purchased Love Must Be Tough...
I have been reading it since last night...It seems to kinda go against DR from what I have seen (Just got the the point where he says send a letter to the WAS "letting them go")...
Do any of you apply those techniques and get better results or do you mainly stick with what we discuss here?
May All Who Seek To Take My Life Be Put To Shame And Confusion; May All Who Desire My Ruin Be Turned Back In Disgrace. ~Psalm 40:14~
Hi Serenity - While it's not in the DB/DR books (so far as I recall), I think those letters are also advocated here. They're sometimes referred to as letters of release - and I think a lot of us have written them - some sent, some just written and filed away. That letter can be a very powerful way to let yourself know where you are - and also a way of letting your S know that you are comfortable enough with yourself to let him do what he has to do...it's part of reaching a point of being loving though detached.
I've never read the book Love Must be Tough - so I can't really speak to that one, though.
I thought the Five Languages was pretty useful.
One of the best books I read is The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work - by Gottman...which, ironically, I read after I had decided I no longer wanted to work on my marriage...
Thanks Carlos...I am not sure if I should write one to him or not...We had an interesting exchange of text messaging earlier... Went something like this...
(He wanted to come by my work - It is payday and for now we split everything)
Me - I won't be in until later this afternoon - I have an appt. at 11
Him - Appt. for what?
Me - To tie up some loose ends in my life.
Him - What loose ends?
Me - There is a lot of uncertainty in my life and I have now realized I control that and no one else, so it is time to take my control back.
Him - Appt. at Church?
Me - No
Him - Don't wanna say?
Me - No response
Him - (3 times)Is this your first appt.?
Me - It seems to be time to give you what you wanted all along.
Him - Where are you at right now?
Me - No response....Then the calls started...
I just went about my business...Did I have an appt. at a lawyer as he is thinking - No...
I had to pick up my stuff out of my repoed truck...
It is a tying of loose ends and I did have an appt. with them at 11...
As for giving him what he wanted - Well he always thought I was paying to much a month so by not having that car payment, he now has something he wanted...
Dirty on my end? Maybe...However that is how I do my 180's - Mysterious is now my middle name
May All Who Seek To Take My Life Be Put To Shame And Confusion; May All Who Desire My Ruin Be Turned Back In Disgrace. ~Psalm 40:14~
Hehehehehehehehehehe. Good for you. I didn't ever provide more information than was asked for with my H, but he never probed. He isn't the type. But I could watch his brain turning...and I enjoyed every last moment of it.
Now, your H might push you further, might even accuse you of filing for D. And that's when you look at him wide-eyed and say, "Wherever did you get that idea? I only took care of some business I needed to take care of."
You owe him no further explanation.
Still chuckling...
SD
Me: 40 H: 43 H had EA from 2/06-9/06 Bomb 5/06 Piecing since 9/2006 3/2008: Boundary setting 7/2009: Boundary crossing~dropped my own bomb. 8/2010: Marriage finally on track!
